Also echoing Hec.

This topic actually came up, kinda, at my church on Sunday. We're doing a sermon series on the Gospel of Mark, and the text was one where Jesus offends religious people by hanging out with sinners and outcasts, and the pastor was reminding us that we need to look at the story from the perspective of the religious people and not just assume that we're on Jesus' side. He was listing outcast groups, some of which our church already works with, and then said something like, "And currently the most absolute outcasts in our culture are registered sex offenders. Maybe we as a church need to consider what the message of Jesus would be to them."

I have to admit my gut reaction was, "OK, Jeff, theologically I see your point, but I have a kid in this church."

He then made a crack about how in Seattle maybe all you'd have to do to reach out to the outcast would be to invite a Republican to dinner. The relieved laughter echoed around the sanctuary.

bonny, thank you for your insight and story.

I have a question (not just for bonny, but Bitches in whole) - is there a legal difference between a pedophile and a sex offender? Are they treated differently by the courts? Are there different sentencing guidelines? Are the terms along the lines of "All pedophiles are sex offenders, but not all sex offenders are pedophiles"? Is it differentiated by age?

I ask because as Ginger pointed out if a 17 year old has sex with a 14 year old and it was consensual, but the parents of the younger get upset and press charges, the 17 year old is saddled with a sex offender record and possibly labeled pedophile for life. I was a 17 year old who had sex with a 14 year old that was very consensual. I can't imagine if I had to try to get through life with that label because of a poor choice in a sexual partner at 17.

omnis - is it a large apartment complex that all of these convicted sex offenders are living in or is it a smaller apartment house, maybe a half-way house?

My personal experince with sex offenders is a very good friend of our family was convicted of a sexual offense his victim being his step-daughter. The problem being, the step-daughter and her mother later recanted the story, admitted to it being a lie, but the mother didn't want to put her daughter through more trauma and another court trial. And this man now has to spend the rest of his life having every moment, every step, every decision watched.

The system is far from perfect. And it seems as though so often, there is more harm done by the way the system is fucked up when it comes to the jailing and treatment of pedophiles and other sex offenders.

(I'm not trying to be pokey pokey or start an argument and I hope it doesn't come off that way. It's an interesting discussion.)

And an also - the titles of the statutes are all fucked up. Like in Michigan, someone on the sexoffender list can have the statute number (750.520c), the name (Criminal sexual conduct in the second degree) and then a qualifier such as (Person under 13). But if you look at the language, it actually qualifies that even further as "Person under 13" being defined as several different things one of which is "older than 13 but younger than 16." Since when is 15 < 13??

I have a question (not just for bonny, but Bitches in whole) - is there a legal difference between a pedophile and a sex offender? Are they treated differently by the courts? Are there different sentencing guidelines? Are the terms along the lines of "All pedophiles are sex offenders, but not all sex offenders are pedophiles"? Is it differentiated by age?

Yes. Pedophile refers to crimes involving children. A sex offender designation includes acts performed by adults.

Are the terms along the lines of "All pedophiles are sex offenders, but not all sex offenders are pedophiles"? Is it differentiated by age?

yes. and of course, particular states may have specific definitions.

And it seems as though so often, there is more harm done by the way the system is fucked up when it comes to the jailing and treatment of pedophiles and other sex offenders.

I think this a ultimately the case. Much like every knee-jerk reaction based on the show of doing something rather than accomplishing any actual good.

As for the legal distinction, I don't know.

Your example reminds me of the skewed drug law system. Carry a joint? Go to jail. Lead a drug cartel? Plead out.

I know that is a simplistic response but it is true that our definition of sexual offense if as warped as our practices of repression...and rug sweeping.

Are all 17 year olds who have sex with minors just experimenting. Well, no. My father began his criminal career when he was a minor himself, so it can't be assumed that all age-span sex is harmless. And yet, making ALL age-span sex criminal feeds the evil and can send otherwise normal people into environments where they DO end up being warped.

Your right, bonny, it shouldn't be hard to talk about. and being to not let it make your life bitter , impt. But I think you are right , we need to do more to prevent these people from being formed.

and everyone has now started talking about the stuff I couldn't word very well before. which is the laws and legal definitions are such that it is hard to tell what means what.

One last story spurred by Susan's experience and then I've got to take the pooch out.

I went to a workshop run by the head of education for the State Department. It was meant to increase awareness of cross cultural problems and focused on the MOST disenfranchised group in our culture.

The moderator went around and dropped slips of paper in front of us, assigning role playing roles. We were to honestly experience the emotions of our role and do a scene where the various stakeholders had a meeting to decide what should be done.

I so love the way the Divine works in my life. This situation was a perfect example and I'm betting some of you have already guessed what happened.

In the scene, I was assigned to express the plight of a post-release registered sex offender who was being thrown out of a community. (I was completely unknown to this group, by the way, 'be the child molester' was a total accident of fate.)

I could have walked out, but I went for it...as is my warrant.

It was pretty weird listening to the outraged protests of neighbors and the neighborhood leaders. I got a visceral sense of how hard it must have been to be my father. My forgiveness of him is complete, but I won't kid you into thinking it occured in that moment. But is was an interesting 'walk in their shoes' deal.

Now, I'm not a sociopath and could not pretend to know what went through James King's mind when he examined his options and threats, but I did find myself (in that role) wishing that something could be done so that the cycle of fear would end and that things could be different for everyone.

My husband was a cop...and he often spoke about perpetrators who were relieved to get caught and to be known and to be given an option to stop whatever was plaguing them.

eta: I 'ent' for it? That implies a whole plodding, LOTR thing I didn't mean. hee.

my wonderful DEXH who taught me what it meant to be loved for something other than what a man could do to your body.

Prior to my relationship with The Boy, I truly didn't believe this was possible. For me, I mean.

Now I do (sometimes) and it's astonishing.

Bless you both, my dear. This side of the fence is SO much better.

A minister friend of mine is fond of saying, "The grass may be greener, but you still have to mow it." While I agree, choosing (and it is a choice) to release oneself emotionally from externally imposed bonds is well worth whatever it takes to do so.

May your moments of astonishment reach such a critical mass that they are no longer astonishing, but a warm knowing of your worth and lovability.