Happy Birthday, Bev! May you have a relaxing and joyous day to celebrate.

My ringtone is "Margaritaville." My daughter chose it for me when I got the phone, I still haven't changed it.

Brand new day!

bonny, I think your tagline says it all.

Stabby stabby fucking death stabby.

The friend of the family that died just after Thanksgiving? My dad's best friend? His widow just died today (also a close friend of the family of course). Of a stroke.

stabby stabby stab stab

Thanks for sharing that Bonny. That's such a useful perspective. It's clear that you've dealt with your issues around your history and the nature of your work you've had to very consciously confront them. But it is still brave to broach that kind of thing in a public forum and I always admire the willingness to bring a personal story like that into such a loaded issue.

I know I've benefited from Buffistas like Cashmere who've spoken at length about her brother's mental illness and others who've talked about their experience with rape and assault.

So, thank you.

Crap, {{Nora}}

Bonny, I can't improve on what David said, but I'll add my thanks -- for your constant honesty even more than for the specifics.

Happy Birthday, Beverly!

{{{Nora}}}

I agree with Hec. Thank you for sharing your story, bonny. You are strong as hell!

Thanks for sharing that Bonny. That's such a useful perspective. It's clear that you've dealt with your issues around your history and the nature of your work you've had to very consciously confront them. But it is still brave to broach that kind of thing in a public forum and I always admire the willingness to bring a personal story like that into such a loaded issue.

Yes. This. Thank you.

I've thought about making a Gimme More one with just the intro ("It's Britney, bitch!"), just cause it makes me laugh.

I laugh every time my friend L calls. I sometimes answer with "It's Stephanie, bitch!" Which makes her laugh.

Oh Christ, Nora! Not another. Sorry to hear that.

Bless you for that Hec.

But while I appreciate the appreciation...goodness knows I take pride in my emotional courage...what I wish is that it didn't TAKE so much courage in our culture to simply speak this truth.

I, and none like me, should ever have felt ashamed to talk about it. Or to grieve publicly so as to move on. NOT doing so is what contributes to the problem.

I will tell you the defining moment in my life. Well, frankly there have been many defining moments and this particular one was facilitated by my wonderful DEXH who taught me what it meant to be loved for something other than what a man could do to your body. (It's directly because of him I have a healthy sex life...that man deserves angel wings.)

After years of heeding my father's daily admonitions of: 'talk and I'll kill you and besides no one will believe you (which tragically turned out to be true too many times) I went to a therapist who recommended an adult survivors of abuse group.

It was horrible, but I went. Long story shorter, during the third session, an older, bitter, angry woman I felt really sorry for was speaking. I thought to myself, wow, we really need to help her. She's new at this and is so overcome by her pain she can't even live.' As I'm thinking this, I tune back into what she's saying... "I've been coming to this group for ten years and I..."

I'd love to tell you the rest of what she said, but I had fallen hysterically deaf. No lie. I couldn't hear a thing. I reached under my chair, picked up my stuff and walked out, never to return. At 20 something, I declared that that would NEVER be me.

Support groups are a wonderful thing...especially when you are getting started on healing. But what, too often they can do is support you in staying where you are. I can't support that...pun entirely intended.

When the 'undamaged' people (at least in THAT particular realm of damage) can comfortably hear what goes on...that we'd rather not have going on...less of it will go on!

Which is another reason why this community rocks. IJS.

eta: in retrospect, I feel a need to clarify that what I object to is the ghetto-ization of support. We, as a culture, don't want to hear about it because it's too creepy or painful or whatever. While I'd never press the details of my experience on anyone...I respect other's limits as I'd have mine respected...I just wish we didn't LET the truth hurt us.