Your right, bonny, it shouldn't be hard to talk about. and being to not let it make your life bitter , impt. But I think you are right , we need to do more to prevent these people from being formed.

and everyone has now started talking about the stuff I couldn't word very well before. which is the laws and legal definitions are such that it is hard to tell what means what.

One last story spurred by Susan's experience and then I've got to take the pooch out.

I went to a workshop run by the head of education for the State Department. It was meant to increase awareness of cross cultural problems and focused on the MOST disenfranchised group in our culture.

The moderator went around and dropped slips of paper in front of us, assigning role playing roles. We were to honestly experience the emotions of our role and do a scene where the various stakeholders had a meeting to decide what should be done.

I so love the way the Divine works in my life. This situation was a perfect example and I'm betting some of you have already guessed what happened.

In the scene, I was assigned to express the plight of a post-release registered sex offender who was being thrown out of a community. (I was completely unknown to this group, by the way, 'be the child molester' was a total accident of fate.)

I could have walked out, but I went for it...as is my warrant.

It was pretty weird listening to the outraged protests of neighbors and the neighborhood leaders. I got a visceral sense of how hard it must have been to be my father. My forgiveness of him is complete, but I won't kid you into thinking it occured in that moment. But is was an interesting 'walk in their shoes' deal.

Now, I'm not a sociopath and could not pretend to know what went through James King's mind when he examined his options and threats, but I did find myself (in that role) wishing that something could be done so that the cycle of fear would end and that things could be different for everyone.

My husband was a cop...and he often spoke about perpetrators who were relieved to get caught and to be known and to be given an option to stop whatever was plaguing them.

eta: I 'ent' for it? That implies a whole plodding, LOTR thing I didn't mean. hee.

my wonderful DEXH who taught me what it meant to be loved for something other than what a man could do to your body.

Prior to my relationship with The Boy, I truly didn't believe this was possible. For me, I mean.

Now I do (sometimes) and it's astonishing.

Bless you both, my dear. This side of the fence is SO much better.

A minister friend of mine is fond of saying, "The grass may be greener, but you still have to mow it." While I agree, choosing (and it is a choice) to release oneself emotionally from externally imposed bonds is well worth whatever it takes to do so.

May your moments of astonishment reach such a critical mass that they are no longer astonishing, but a warm knowing of your worth and lovability.

Happy birthday, Beverly! I am making a shrine to you in my heart filled with Bev-things of symbolic and seasonal import.

Darling. I've...never had my own heart-shrine before. You're lovely, thank you.

And thanks for all the HB wishes.

bonny, I'm proud to know you. I got to the part about "too often support you in staying where you are," and nodded like a bobblehead. I sound very "geroff my lawn," I know but I truly believe that somwhere along the line we, as a culture, forgot what it's like to work for things.

DH and I've been married for eons, and several of those were sheer hell, for one or the other, or both of us. But we wanted the marriage more than we didn't want it, and we did the work. Are still doing the work. On balance, it's been worth it.

Traumatic events, whether personal or global, destroy the shape of our world. Instinct is to turn to someone--a leader, a group of wise peers, a new love object--and surrender our autonomy in return for being taken care of. If we're lucky, that leader, group, lover, is willing to caretake until we're strong enough to stand on our feet again. They set us up and step back to catch us if needed, but they let us go.

What happens far too often is that leader, lover, group, becomes used to the power and control, and doesn't step off, or do what they can to support our attempts to regain control of our own life. We become used to being cared for, having decisions made for us, not having to deal with harsh reality. But in exchange we give up our autonomy. For most of us, I think that's an uneven trade. For me, the only person I'm prepared to speak for either personally or nationally, it's anathema.

Um. Sorry for the rant, but if you can't go all rantycakes on your birthday then when?

Anyhow bonny, I'm constantly impressed by your spirit, and I'm pleased to know you.

I also realize my rant has little to do with the pedophile discussion, but I went with the phrase that pinged me. So there you go.

Instinct is to turn to someone--a leader, a group of wise peers, a new love object--and surrender our autonomy in return for being taken care of. If we're lucky, that leader, group, lover, is willing to caretake until we're strong enough to stand on our feet again.

What happens far too often is that leader, lover, group, becomes used to the power and control, and doesn't step off, or do what they can to support our attempts to regain control of our own life. We become used to being cared for, having decisions made for us, not having to deal with harsh reality.

ThisthisthisthisthisthisthisthisTHIS. Yes. As always, the lovely Beverly is incredibly wise.

Anyhow bonny, I'm constantly impressed by your spirit, and I'm pleased to know you.

Right and totally back atcha Babe.

I also realize my rant has little to do with the pedophile discussion, but I went with the phrase that pinged me. So there you go.

From where I sit, it is the very pointiest-point of my part of the discussion.

{{{{{Nora}}}}} I'm so sorry that you are dealing with another loss.

bonny, thank you for sharing your story.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Dearest Bev!!!

I will always steal salt from Steak N Shake for you.