Bless you both, my dear. This side of the fence is SO much better.

A minister friend of mine is fond of saying, "The grass may be greener, but you still have to mow it." While I agree, choosing (and it is a choice) to release oneself emotionally from externally imposed bonds is well worth whatever it takes to do so.

May your moments of astonishment reach such a critical mass that they are no longer astonishing, but a warm knowing of your worth and lovability.

Happy birthday, Beverly! I am making a shrine to you in my heart filled with Bev-things of symbolic and seasonal import.

Darling. I've...never had my own heart-shrine before. You're lovely, thank you.

And thanks for all the HB wishes.

bonny, I'm proud to know you. I got to the part about "too often support you in staying where you are," and nodded like a bobblehead. I sound very "geroff my lawn," I know but I truly believe that somwhere along the line we, as a culture, forgot what it's like to work for things.

DH and I've been married for eons, and several of those were sheer hell, for one or the other, or both of us. But we wanted the marriage more than we didn't want it, and we did the work. Are still doing the work. On balance, it's been worth it.

Traumatic events, whether personal or global, destroy the shape of our world. Instinct is to turn to someone--a leader, a group of wise peers, a new love object--and surrender our autonomy in return for being taken care of. If we're lucky, that leader, group, lover, is willing to caretake until we're strong enough to stand on our feet again. They set us up and step back to catch us if needed, but they let us go.

What happens far too often is that leader, lover, group, becomes used to the power and control, and doesn't step off, or do what they can to support our attempts to regain control of our own life. We become used to being cared for, having decisions made for us, not having to deal with harsh reality. But in exchange we give up our autonomy. For most of us, I think that's an uneven trade. For me, the only person I'm prepared to speak for either personally or nationally, it's anathema.

Um. Sorry for the rant, but if you can't go all rantycakes on your birthday then when?

Anyhow bonny, I'm constantly impressed by your spirit, and I'm pleased to know you.

I also realize my rant has little to do with the pedophile discussion, but I went with the phrase that pinged me. So there you go.

Instinct is to turn to someone--a leader, a group of wise peers, a new love object--and surrender our autonomy in return for being taken care of. If we're lucky, that leader, group, lover, is willing to caretake until we're strong enough to stand on our feet again.

What happens far too often is that leader, lover, group, becomes used to the power and control, and doesn't step off, or do what they can to support our attempts to regain control of our own life. We become used to being cared for, having decisions made for us, not having to deal with harsh reality.

ThisthisthisthisthisthisthisthisTHIS. Yes. As always, the lovely Beverly is incredibly wise.

Anyhow bonny, I'm constantly impressed by your spirit, and I'm pleased to know you.

Right and totally back atcha Babe.

I also realize my rant has little to do with the pedophile discussion, but I went with the phrase that pinged me. So there you go.

From where I sit, it is the very pointiest-point of my part of the discussion.

{{{{{Nora}}}}} I'm so sorry that you are dealing with another loss.

bonny, thank you for sharing your story.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Dearest Bev!!!

I will always steal salt from Steak N Shake for you.

Happy birthday, Beverly!

Mwah! If I told you I think of you every time I have a sore throat, you'd realize that's a very sweet and tender memory, right? That and the incredible defensive driving. Twice you saved me on that trip!

Nora, I'm so sorry.

{{{Nora}}} I'm so sorry for your loss.

I love that this place can be so full of real sharing. We talk about silly things, about frustrating things, about the most joyful things, about the things that damage us, and about the things that heal us. I feel grateful that there is such an openness here.

Happy Birthday, Beverly!

Happy Natal Anniversary, Beverly.