Stabby stabby fucking death stabby.

The friend of the family that died just after Thanksgiving? My dad's best friend? His widow just died today (also a close friend of the family of course). Of a stroke.

stabby stabby stab stab

Thanks for sharing that Bonny. That's such a useful perspective. It's clear that you've dealt with your issues around your history and the nature of your work you've had to very consciously confront them. But it is still brave to broach that kind of thing in a public forum and I always admire the willingness to bring a personal story like that into such a loaded issue.

I know I've benefited from Buffistas like Cashmere who've spoken at length about her brother's mental illness and others who've talked about their experience with rape and assault.

So, thank you.

Crap, {{Nora}}

Bonny, I can't improve on what David said, but I'll add my thanks -- for your constant honesty even more than for the specifics.

Happy Birthday, Beverly!

{{{Nora}}}

I agree with Hec. Thank you for sharing your story, bonny. You are strong as hell!

Thanks for sharing that Bonny. That's such a useful perspective. It's clear that you've dealt with your issues around your history and the nature of your work you've had to very consciously confront them. But it is still brave to broach that kind of thing in a public forum and I always admire the willingness to bring a personal story like that into such a loaded issue.

Yes. This. Thank you.

I've thought about making a Gimme More one with just the intro ("It's Britney, bitch!"), just cause it makes me laugh.

I laugh every time my friend L calls. I sometimes answer with "It's Stephanie, bitch!" Which makes her laugh.

Oh Christ, Nora! Not another. Sorry to hear that.

Bless you for that Hec.

But while I appreciate the appreciation...goodness knows I take pride in my emotional courage...what I wish is that it didn't TAKE so much courage in our culture to simply speak this truth.

I, and none like me, should ever have felt ashamed to talk about it. Or to grieve publicly so as to move on. NOT doing so is what contributes to the problem.

I will tell you the defining moment in my life. Well, frankly there have been many defining moments and this particular one was facilitated by my wonderful DEXH who taught me what it meant to be loved for something other than what a man could do to your body. (It's directly because of him I have a healthy sex life...that man deserves angel wings.)

After years of heeding my father's daily admonitions of: 'talk and I'll kill you and besides no one will believe you (which tragically turned out to be true too many times) I went to a therapist who recommended an adult survivors of abuse group.

It was horrible, but I went. Long story shorter, during the third session, an older, bitter, angry woman I felt really sorry for was speaking. I thought to myself, wow, we really need to help her. She's new at this and is so overcome by her pain she can't even live.' As I'm thinking this, I tune back into what she's saying... "I've been coming to this group for ten years and I..."

I'd love to tell you the rest of what she said, but I had fallen hysterically deaf. No lie. I couldn't hear a thing. I reached under my chair, picked up my stuff and walked out, never to return. At 20 something, I declared that that would NEVER be me.

Support groups are a wonderful thing...especially when you are getting started on healing. But what, too often they can do is support you in staying where you are. I can't support that...pun entirely intended.

When the 'undamaged' people (at least in THAT particular realm of damage) can comfortably hear what goes on...that we'd rather not have going on...less of it will go on!

Which is another reason why this community rocks. IJS.

eta: in retrospect, I feel a need to clarify that what I object to is the ghetto-ization of support. We, as a culture, don't want to hear about it because it's too creepy or painful or whatever. While I'd never press the details of my experience on anyone...I respect other's limits as I'd have mine respected...I just wish we didn't LET the truth hurt us.

Also echoing Hec.

This topic actually came up, kinda, at my church on Sunday. We're doing a sermon series on the Gospel of Mark, and the text was one where Jesus offends religious people by hanging out with sinners and outcasts, and the pastor was reminding us that we need to look at the story from the perspective of the religious people and not just assume that we're on Jesus' side. He was listing outcast groups, some of which our church already works with, and then said something like, "And currently the most absolute outcasts in our culture are registered sex offenders. Maybe we as a church need to consider what the message of Jesus would be to them."

I have to admit my gut reaction was, "OK, Jeff, theologically I see your point, but I have a kid in this church."

He then made a crack about how in Seattle maybe all you'd have to do to reach out to the outcast would be to invite a Republican to dinner. The relieved laughter echoed around the sanctuary.