How old is Sister?

Pretty sure she's around 22 or so. Senior in college.

Third party would be nice if I had one. The only one I kind of have is "our" aunt who I'm in sort of contact with, but I don't want to put Aunt in the middle of the mess that, let's face it, Bio-Dad created.

Not only might he lie, he also might decide to paint a nasty picture of you or your mom and taint the whole process.

He might, and very well could. I would hope that he would be a bigger person than that, but then, I don't have any evidence of him ever doing that except signing off on his parental rights to me so my daddy could adopt me.

Maybe you could go through the counseling or chaplain's office at the school?

Good idea, Ginger.

That's a really great idea. That would be somebody neutral and non-threatening, and also who would be capable of dealing with the emotional fallout if necessary.

That's an awesome idea. It gets sticky because, well ... he's a pretty bigwig alumnus at her college and I don't think he'd appreciate his "dirty laundry" being aired via his alma mater.

I'm really not trying to ask for advice and then shoot it all down, I'm trying to keep the hurt down on all sides (including mine) as much as possible.

And can I be selfish for a second and say that I resent the fuck out of having to be the bigger person in all of this? Even if I choose to NOT write Sister, I still have to be the bigger person in trying not to give up my power to him by wasting ebergy hating him when sometimes, doing that takes just as much energy as hating him would.

t /angry girl

I want to know my sister and I don't want to hurt her either directly or indirectly, but I'm having a hard time coming up with ways that will make tht a possibility, which means it can't be done and I know that and ... I'm rambling and being boring again.

I'm an only child. There. I just decided.

No. No decisions right now. You need to let this mull for a while and get comfortable with even the knowledge you have right now, which you haven't really had a chance to do yet. Then you can think about next steps some more.

I'd also urge you to check the College schedule, and make sure she won't be getting the letter right before or during finals. Senior year is stressful enough, as it is.

I understand the stickiness, but speaking in confidence to a social relations professional would not be "airing his dirty laundry" to the school. A counselor or a chaplain would have lots of experience in dealing with delicate matters.

Seconding brenda's no decisions policy. You're free to have whatever response you have. We just want to make sure you get the most out of your decision. Give yourself some time and space to feel and react.

This is a big deal.

he's a pretty bigwig alumnus at her college and I don't think he'd appreciate his "dirty laundry" being aired via his alma mater.

I'd go with the chaplain or the counselor. they have a professional obligation to maintain confidentiality, so you wouldnt have to worry about it becoming campus gossip unless she chose to share.