Aimee, what will you do if he responds that she already knows about you and doesn't want to be contacted?

I wouldn't put any faith in that at all, really. Either way, I'd go ahead with the letter.

I think that's one reason I'd hesitate to notify bio-dad. Not only might he lie, he also might decide to paint a nasty picture of you or your mom and taint the whole process. I can see the other side of the argument too, though. Notifying him first might make things easier in the long run. Tricky, really, the whole thing. Tons of ~ma as you figure it out, hon.

How old is Sister?

Aimee, whatever you decide, it's a lovely letter.

You know how I'm already way into the four figures for dental work this year? The bonding on one of my broken front teeth just broke off, just like what happened at the Nilly F2F. So I have a broken tooth and a missing tooth in the front. I feel like Ma Kettle.

I have an article to finish, but I'm losing the will to go on.

Also, so far I haven't heard anything about my friend. He's supposed to go to his parents' tomorrow, and I'm officially not worrying unless he doesn't show up there. At this point, there's nothing we could say to police to indicate that he is not just hiding out from his overly concerned friends.

eta: Also, I've been randomly throwing stuff on Ok Cupid, mainly as a way to procrastinate, and someone just wrote me. All I can think to write back is "I'm fat and have no teeth, but I can be quite amusing."

The bonding on one of my broken front teeth just broke off, just like what happened at the Nilly F2F. So I have a broken tooth and a missing tooth in the front. I feel like Ma Kettle.

Oh, ugh. I'm so sorry, you. That sucks bigtime.

I have an article to finish, but I'm losing the will to go on.

I think you have a good excuse to stop for tonight.

At this point, there's nothing we could say to police to indicate that he is not just hiding out from his overly concerned friends.

Actually there is, but it I think your plan is a good one. If you need to talk this out, though, if it comes to that, you know where I am. So much ~ma to you all, though.

Holy crap, Empress!

I think your letters are awesome, and I think your gameplan is excellent. And I agree that you need to shield yourself emotionally as much as you can, by really thinking hard about what outcome you are hoping for, and acknowledging that everything may go totally pear-shaped, and making sure you can live with that.

Meanwhile, today I'm taking my kids on a class trip. Insh'allah, all will go well.

Ginger, had I been drinking coffee when I read that, I cannot answer for the state in which my keyboard would presently be.

Well at least there's not a beserker cat in the mix, Ginger. I hope it all gets fixed, fast and well.

Aimee, both letters are totally kickass. Myself, I'd prefer to be approached first by a third, non-involved party: You have a half-sister, she'd like to meet you. That would allow me to accept or decline. It would also allow me the power of defining the sort of meeting. i.e., I will be happy to exchange pleasantries and brief bios. I don't wish to fall into anyone's arms until I know them and unless I like them.

Yes, I've spent a LOT of time thinking about this when I was deciding to pursue knowledge of birth family or not. I never wanted it for me, but the XDiL was concerned about genetic disorders and predispositions, so I did consider it. Ultimately decided against it. I was on a couple of adoptee/birth family boards, and realized the horror I felt at being "found" by strangers.

But we all know I'm a crusty, peculiar turtle of a woman, and you guys may feel completely open and welcoming to each other. There's no way to find out but to find out. So, I salute your courage and wish you both well.

As for biodad, I don't think I'd notify him ahead of time. He's gone out of his way to keep the two of you apart, he isn't going to change his mind just because she's older now. If you can find a person outside the family who's willing to be non-partisan towards either you or her to make first contact and possibly facilitate the first meeting, I still think that's the least-threatening way to go. It relieves any sense of expectation and allows each of you to be more at ease.

Best of all possible luck, love.

You're right, Bev. At least I'm not dripping blood.

My friend has finally left some kind of message about running into some people and going to a Superbowl party. Now that I know he's okay, I'm pissed.

Pissed is good, Ginger. Still a relief.

Wow Aims! Very exciting. The 3rd party option would be good if you can find a way. I'm rather in the camp of not telling BioDad. He had her whole life for that. She may know. Kids have a way of finding out stuff.