vw, I liked the Hotsling I had when Owen was a newborn. But when my back gave me problems, I had to stop using slings and carriers. I found a particular type of bouncy seat (Fisher Price vibrating rocker) which had a kickstand to use as sort of a bassinet/chair. And when they got bigger, converted to a more traditional bouncy seat/rocker.

Owen, I carried or held most of the time. With Liv, I had less of a chance, so she tended to fuss more before she got picked up. Eventually, all parents learn their groove and learn to get stuff done (or learn what doesn't have to get done) in time.

Zenkitty, are you still on gmail? I got a message about the Breath...write-a-thon.

Most parents can tell the difference between fussing to be picked up and fussing because of a problem. I would gate the kids out of the kitchen when I was cooking at times because my kitchen was not a safe place in the old house. Bobby was a consummate actor and it was impossible to tell when he had a real issue. He still can convince you he is clueless about the disappearance of the cookies with crumbs on his shirt and melted chocolate on his cheeks. He was screaming at the kitchen gate and I was doing stuff and ignoring him (not for long, just to put stuff in the oven) and the child had his finger pinched in the gate. guilt guilt guilt

One thing, vw, is that as a new parent I would have been easily annoyed by childless friends or family members giving me advice. Or even childed friends or family members giving me advice (like, say, my mother.) I was soooo touchy about being judged for my parenting skills or lack thereof. So I suggest you tread carefully. Pointing them at a web site - like Ask Moxie which several of us have found useful - might be a tactful way to help without being too helpful, you know?

This post in particular might be helpful: [link]

Also, this: [link]

One thing, vw, is that as a new parent I would have been easily annoyed by childless friends or family members giving me advice.

I am *really* careful about giving what seems to be advice. I try to be supportive. But, apparently, last night that came off as dismissive. So, I'm trying to add some knowledge to my support. That's all. I don't even pretend to know what I'm talking about, so I've just not even opened my mouth. Apparently, my brother knows me as usually having an opinion, so he thought that when I didn't have anything to say, it was because I didn't have anything nice to say, which wasn't the case. So, trying to at least change that, so I can say, "Wow, well that sounds totally normal, from what I've heard my friends say."

I was soooo touchy about being judged for my parenting skills or lack thereof.

This was (is? but I'm getting better) so me. My SIL is pregnant with her first and every time I've offered any sort of advice/whatever, I always preface it with about 4-5 this-worked-for-me-I'm-not-judging-of-course- you-have-to-do-it-your-own-way-this-may-not-fit-your-situation type statements.

I'm so angry at my dad right now, I could drive to his McMansion and kick his nads into his chest cavity.(But of course, if I could do that he wouldn't ignore me so much in the first place.) It's not so much that what he did now is so heinous; people make mistakes, forget things, etc. But why does it have to be me...every single time.

Aw, hell, erika. I can't kick his nads into his chest cavity either, but I could make prank calls from England and yell COCKSUCKAH!!! at him in my best Iain McShane voice?

That would rule, Fay! I would pay good money for the tape.

I am *really* careful about giving what seems to be advice. I try to be supportive. But, apparently, last night that came off as dismissive. So, I'm trying to add some knowledge to my support. That's all. I don't even pretend to know what I'm talking about, so I've just not even opened my mouth. Apparently, my brother knows me as usually having an opinion, so he thought that when I didn't have anything to say, it was because I didn't have anything nice to say, which wasn't the case. So, trying to at least change that, so I can say, "Wow, well that sounds totally normal, from what I've heard my friends say."

Well, that sucks, since it seems you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. It sounds like you are really trying to be supportive so I'm not sure what he expected you to say or do.