serial
...but that wasn't what I came here to post.
So, over on OKCupid (which I'm really rather enjoying, in a Oh-people,-bless-your-cotton-socks sort of way, with occasional moments of 'Hey, you seem really cool and fanciable! Damn, I must lose several stone quickly, so as to be remotely in your league' and of 'Hey, you seem really cool and I think I'll just email you anyway, because a person can always have more geeky penpals, yes indeed, let us ignore that whole dating business because otherwise it would be far too intimidating to email you' kind of way) I have had a message from a Middle Eastern gentleman living in Bangkok. He seems like a nice enough bloke, and I do wish him well, but I am not even a little bit tempted to meet him.
This is our conversation thus far:
- ********************
Him: i enjoy reading your profile and looking at your angel face i wish if we can become any thing you like
wait to hear from you
I wince slightly about the lack of capital letters or punctuation and the nonsense about my angel face, because I am a pedantic cow. I click over to his profile. I read it. I gather that OKCupid considers us to be a 38% match, 55% friend and 51% enemy. I think OKCupid is probably about right there. I procrastinate about the replying thing, because I am rubbish like that.
The following morning he messages me again:
Him: am sorry if i bothering you i just need to ask
if i like you what i can do?
I suck it up and brace myself for the 'thanks but no thanks' conversation, even though it makes me cringe.
Me: Hi there! You seem like a really nice guy and I'm very flattered by your interest, but I don't think that we're very well suited. I'm really *not* looking for someone to call me an angel woman, although it's very sweet - I'm more interested in finding fellow geeks who want to discuss 'Firefly' or 'Stargate Atlantis' or 'The Sandman' or TS Eliot.
I really hope that you find someone who's looking for the same things as you - sincerely, I think you sound like a very nice bloke and I do wish you well, but it doesn't look to me like we have the same priorities or areas of interest.
Sorry - I do feel rotten about this, because you seem like a good guy, but I really don't want to lead you on. I do wish you all the best!
Fay
Him: if u dont mind i need to talk with you face to face for 20 min and you can see if it is ok so we can complete if it is not ok you will not lose any thing just try why not
- *******************
I don't like being rude to people, especially when they have been so kind as to express the idea that I am fanciable. I have, on occasion, been sufficiently reluctant to give offence that I have come close to giving a sympathy blowjob out of pure politeness, before the certain knowledge that Miss Manners would never advocate such behaviour came crashing over me and I fled into the night, leaving my friend to carry on getting groinal with his friend.
However, I am not even a little bit tempted to meet up with this guy. There is nothing about his profile or his correspondence that leads me to suppose that I would fancy him, or want to hang out with him as a friend. It is a great big No Thankyou from the House of Fay.
Any suggestions on how I can make this plainer without straying into active rudeness? For the incurable optimism of the penis/our lack of a common first language is apparently leading to a misunderstanding here. No definitely means no. Indeed, it means 'Hell no'.