{{{Tep}}} I don't think guys (or some guys) understand the huge amount of baggage that comes with that issue. There's so much cultural crap wrapped up in it that it's almost impossible to unpack.

Oh, sweetie, first of all, big hug. I know exactly what you're going through. Second, even the greatest guy (or girl) says stupid shit sometimes. Bad phrasing can be a killer.

Wow. I've been trying to think about what he must have been thinking, and give him the benefit of the doubt about it being concern for your health, etc., but there are about a thousand different ways to do that that don't involve the psychic repercussions of that question. Wow. Yeah, I got nothing. I'm sorry, Tep.

I don't think guys (or some guys) understand the huge amount of baggage that comes with that issue. There's so much cultural crap wrapped up in it that it's almost impossible to unpack.

And I get that, particularly when it comes to The Boy. In light of the fact that I've never ever known ANYONE who is so careful with my feelings (not in a walk-on-eggshells way; in a I-value-your-feelings-beyond-measure way), I *know* that he didn't know how I'd react.

He knew that I have huge issues about my weight, but it seems he didn't really grasp what I meant when I said "huge issues."

But still.

I feel like barfing, even talking about this.

I've been trying to think about what he must have been thinking, and give him the benefit of the doubt about it being concern for your health, etc., but there are about a thousand different ways to do that that don't involve the psychic repercussions of that question. Wow. Yeah, I got nothing.

Well, his ADD isn't an *excuse,* because a 40-year-old man can learn proper socialization. But it does explain it to a certain extent, because people with ADD can be really REALLY oblivious to emotional issues/cues.

But he never had been before. Or maybe I had always had secure enough psychic footing to talk through things with him when he was oblivious. I just have no psychic armor for the weight issue. I should, but I don't.

Oh wow, Tep! I can't even imagine. What the hell was he thinking????

Steph, a friend of mine went through this recently with her long-term boyfriend and came close to breaking up with him but they worked it out (after much groveling on his part). ... which doesn't provide any sort of answer for you but at least you know you're not alone.

Dudes are just dumbasses sometimes, I guess.

I mean you could ask him the same question. Not about weight but about something else you find attractive about him that you wouldn't if it went away.

I mean you could ask him the same question. Not about weight but about something else you find attractive about him that you wouldn't if it went away.

"Are you going to lose your hair?"

"Are you going to develop erectile dysfunction?"

"You don't know? Well, then I DON'T KNOW if I'm going to get bigger! Now hand me that Twinkie."

"You don't know? Well, then I DON'T KNOW if I'm going to get bigger! Now hand me that Twinkie."

EXACTLY!

{{{Tep}}} I don't think guys (or some guys) understand the huge amount of baggage that comes with that issue. There's so much cultural crap wrapped up in it that it's almost impossible to unpack.

What Dana said. I'm so sorry, Teppy, it was a shitty thing to say, concern or not.