Oh wow, Tep! I can't even imagine. What the hell was he thinking????

Steph, a friend of mine went through this recently with her long-term boyfriend and came close to breaking up with him but they worked it out (after much groveling on his part). ... which doesn't provide any sort of answer for you but at least you know you're not alone.

Dudes are just dumbasses sometimes, I guess.

I mean you could ask him the same question. Not about weight but about something else you find attractive about him that you wouldn't if it went away.

I mean you could ask him the same question. Not about weight but about something else you find attractive about him that you wouldn't if it went away.

"Are you going to lose your hair?"

"Are you going to develop erectile dysfunction?"

"You don't know? Well, then I DON'T KNOW if I'm going to get bigger! Now hand me that Twinkie."

"You don't know? Well, then I DON'T KNOW if I'm going to get bigger! Now hand me that Twinkie."

EXACTLY!

{{{Tep}}} I don't think guys (or some guys) understand the huge amount of baggage that comes with that issue. There's so much cultural crap wrapped up in it that it's almost impossible to unpack.

What Dana said. I'm so sorry, Teppy, it was a shitty thing to say, concern or not.

I feel like barfing, even talking about this.

I can imagine. But maybe talking about it (once you move past barfy stage) will help in working it through. Because there's the painful situation, and then there's the shame about it happening. I think even lessening the shame aspect may help a little.

Tep, you have *nothing* to be ashamed about. He does- and I'm sure you've talked it through and all that. But the question was totally inapprorpiate and I'm sorry about the anxiety it's created for you.

I mean, god, I can't even imagine how I'd react if Tom said something like that. I'd die. I remember once I patted my stomach and said something about a "Buddha belly" and he teased me about a "butter belly," which kind of hurt in the moment. He felt horrible and shaved the goatee he'd been growing because he felt it made him "evil."

But it sucks. There's always something stupid that comes up in every relationship, and it sucks it was about weight, the one thing that is SO sensitive and loaded.

My romantic "dilemna" is that my town is too fucking small. So, this super cute guy who works at my local overpriced gourmet market who has been flirting with me for a couple of months gave me his number when I was in there last Sunday. I knew that he'd been roommates of a friend and I was talking to a mutual friend of that friend last night who told me the ex-roomate says the grocery store dude is a total stoner weirdo who gets freakishly excited about, of all things, Jeopardy. He never seemed like the brightest bulb on the tree but way to shatter any romantic notions I may have had.

It's making me kind of sad today.

I mean, god, I can't even imagine how I'd react if Tom said something like that. I'd die.

I pretty much wanted to.

But it sucks. There's always something stupid that comes up in every relationship, and it sucks it was about weight, the one thing that is SO sensitive and loaded.

Seriously. He could call me ugly, he could call me stupid, he could call me a bitch, and yes, I'd be pissed, but we'd fight and then I'd deal.

But I don't know how to protect my (big fat) soft underbelly on this one. It's everything my mom said to me for my entire childhood, come home to roost.

the ex-roomate says the grocery store dude is a total stoner weirdo who gets freakishly excited about, of all things, Jeopardy.

don't let this color your opinion. the ex roomate could be pissed at him for not taking out the trash or something stupid like that and badmouthing him.(hell, I still badmouth my college first year roommate). Flirt with the guy, go out for a drink, what's the harm.

You could, you know, play the Weird Al song "I Lost on Jeopardy" for him and see if he freaks out.

Just because it'd be funny....