We need a superhero who rights all the wrongs committed on the freeways....

Ya gotta see Shoot 'Em Up, I'm telling you ('07 movie name therein, minor spoiler not for the main plot).

When I had a freeway commute, things would jam up about three or four miles away from my exit, and the shoulder-driving would begin. On a particularly messy day the jam would happen high enough that the unaware would try to navigate the shoulder and find themselves pinched off and needing to re-enter normal traffic before the exit. Needless to say, I never complied.

And the days where they came upon a cop car sitting on the shoulder were like Christmas.

the people who don't pay attention to the mile and a half of signage telling them that this is a Fastrak lane

The advantage of having a governor who said that you either have an I-Pass or are paying double tolls is that just about every commuter has an I-Pass. Even those who don't do much highway driving, like my dad, are thinking about getting one for those occasions when they do venture on the tollways.

The Highwayman

OK, I just guffawed and had to explain myself to the two chaplains who are currently sharing my office.

OK, I just guffawed

"Stand and deliver--your keys and your driver's license, you moron!"

And he HAS to have a coat of claret velvet and breeches of brown doeskin.

And when you do something wrong, he comes riding, riding, riding after you.

And he can apologize to the passengers for the inconvenience.

I do try to think, "Maybe it's really an emergency" when I see people doing otherwise assholish things on the road. Okay, I know most of the time it isn't, but I'm trying to improve my karma, so I think to myself, "Hey, maybe he has to get to the hospital in 5 minutes or his leukemia-ridden pregnant wife will blow up a schoolbus full of kids." Or something.

Because, you know, of course it probably isn't, but what if it's that ONE TIME and I'm the person who cut him off?

When I was driving in Virginia, they had lanes that closed during certain hours of the day - big red X over them. WTF.... I was in one for a mile or two before I figured out that I shouldn't be. I'm sure I pissed off a few folks who thought I was trying to just be zippy. Nope. Clueless.

I can usually tell clueless or lost drivers from assholes.

Assholes drive like toddlers on monkey crack. Clueless or lost drivers drive like drunk toddlers.

At least that's how it works out in my head.