try getting me to focus on something that *doesn't* capture my interest. It's unpossible.

Not to make light of people with legitimate problems, but I don't see how you can say that the inability to focus on something uninteresting is abnormal. Plowing your way through it, hating every step, and having to pull attention back from much more interesting/pleasant things sounds pretty par for the course--at least remembering back to my college days.

We're a bunch, aren't we?

Since DH retired we've been spending more time together than we ever have before, and there's no going back to the routine after two weeks' vacation--the together just keeps on coming. It's been a little rough on both of us. But in and around all the adjusting, he kept giving me odd little looks.

We'd always had excellent verbal communication, almost a shorthand. Now, it was like we were speaking different languages. I'd say something, thinking it was perfectly lucid, and he'd look at me like I'd lapsed into Urdu. He'd reply to what he'd thought I'd said, and I'd lose all sense of linear--um, what? Whereupon he'd assume all my marbles were currently under the fridge.

As much as I hate it, I'm the one--I'm always the one--who has to back up and sort out where our perceptions aren't meeting, and how to repair and further communication. As much as I just wanted to shriek, "LISTEN to what I'm SAYING, not what you expect me to say!", I simplified everything I said, waited to make sure he understood my correct meaning before i moved on. And when he talked what felt like gibberish to me, I repeated back to him what I understood him to say.

He kept looking at me like I'd grown another head, and finally, one day, understanding dawned. "You--this isn't new for you, is it? You've been this way all along. You've lived your whole life this way." It sort of gobsmacked him. After decades of living together, he finally understands the effort it takes to get through things, and that nothing is linear for me unless I ruthlessly disregard everything else but what I'm doing.

He still doesn't like it. He still feels I'm ignoring him on purpose a lot of times, but at least he understands why, now. It's helped him understand StY a lot better, too. Never too old to learn, I guess.

Daisy, I wanted to say how much I loved the letters you shared earlier. It's a fascinating glimpse into life in an earlier time, and what a wonderful heritage for you and your family to have. The description of the funeral was wonderful, too. I'm very sorry for your family's loss, but I'm grateful for the mutual support and obvious love you all have and give to each other.

Thanks for all the advice! I'm actually on hold with my GP's office right now. I decided to call becuase otherwise I'll just put this off.

Yes, I'm taking medication. Seroquel and Lamictal. I know I can't take anti depressants (I was having severe depressive episodes until the Lamcital) because it triggers manic episode. Those are managed by my psychiatrist but he only sees me for that so I guess my GP is the best person.

I know that some of this could be part of the Bipolar disorder, which is why I've resisted even thinking that I have ADD. But I can hyperfocus like nobody's business and I have had problems concentrating and staying on task since I was very young.

Finally off hold and I have an appointment for the 25th!

Good for you, askye.

DCistas, have any of you ever been to the Chesapeake Shakespeare productions among the ruins? Are they any good? [link]

Not to make light of people with legitimate problems, but I don't see how you can say that the inability to focus on something uninteresting is abnormal. Plowing your way through it, hating every step, and having to pull attention back from much more interesting/pleasant things sounds pretty par for the course--at least remembering back to my college days.

Yes, of course it's normal to not want to focus on something boring, but...argh. I guess I can't explain it without putting you into my brain. It's not just things that I am bored by, and it's not as simple as having to pull my attention back.

oooh .... do-it-yourself porn?

Isn't that called sex?

quick question : "!=" means "does not equal" right?

Yes.

In my made-up internet usage, yes.

Kristin, I've been sort of wary that my problems are just bipolar related which is why I haven't presued the ADD course before. But I'm starting to realize how out to sea I am when it comes to attention and organization. It's causing problems with work and my ability to enjoy life.

And if it turns out that I don't, maybe I can still find someone who can help me learn to organize and control my life.