We're a bunch, aren't we?
Since DH retired we've been spending more time together than we ever have before, and there's no going back to the routine after two weeks' vacation--the together just keeps on coming. It's been a little rough on both of us. But in and around all the adjusting, he kept giving me odd little looks.
We'd always had excellent verbal communication, almost a shorthand. Now, it was like we were speaking different languages. I'd say something, thinking it was perfectly lucid, and he'd look at me like I'd lapsed into Urdu. He'd reply to what he'd thought I'd said, and I'd lose all sense of linear--um, what? Whereupon he'd assume all my marbles were currently under the fridge.
As much as I hate it, I'm the one--I'm always the one--who has to back up and sort out where our perceptions aren't meeting, and how to repair and further communication. As much as I just wanted to shriek, "LISTEN to what I'm SAYING, not what you expect me to say!", I simplified everything I said, waited to make sure he understood my correct meaning before i moved on. And when he talked what felt like gibberish to me, I repeated back to him what I understood him to say.
He kept looking at me like I'd grown another head, and finally, one day, understanding dawned. "You--this isn't new for you, is it? You've been this way all along. You've lived your whole life this way." It sort of gobsmacked him. After decades of living together, he finally understands the effort it takes to get through things, and that nothing is linear for me unless I ruthlessly disregard everything else but what I'm doing.
He still doesn't like it. He still feels I'm ignoring him on purpose a lot of times, but at least he understands why, now. It's helped him understand StY a lot better, too. Never too old to learn, I guess.
Daisy, I wanted to say how much I loved the letters you shared earlier. It's a fascinating glimpse into life in an earlier time, and what a wonderful heritage for you and your family to have. The description of the funeral was wonderful, too. I'm very sorry for your family's loss, but I'm grateful for the mutual support and obvious love you all have and give to each other.