I dated a neighbor who told me he was divorced when he was actually separated and trying to extort alimony from the wife that worked and raised his 3 kids.

He ended up being a lying cheat to me as well. No surprise.

However that was some fine sex for nearly a year. Since then, he has had the nerve to approach me a couple of times which just gave me the chance to get my freezing stare of distain on. Otherwise, mostly harmless.

it doesn't mean every risk is worth it. God, it's not like we said, Allyson, bar your door, never speak to men again, NEVER THINK ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

He JUST moved in. was wearing a wedding band in the very recent past. She is just getting to know him.

I think not going to a movie is a good call.

But, let me go on record - Allyson, I think you should keep beig social with him at the apartment, get to know him better, find out what the what is with the past relationship. You know yourself better than we do and you should go for whatever the hell you feel up to and are comfortable with.

eta: for fuck's sake.

I don't see the point in being so risk averse in romance, if you are interested in romance.

It's all in how you rate the risk, isn't it? Or would you risk anything for romance? It's perfectly possible there are things Allyson thinks are within reason to risk that you don't. Or that she's just not as wacky as you are.

If you think it's a bad thing, Allyson, don't do it. Of course, I'm the reigning queen of compartmentalisation, but still. Do what's hard in order to avoid doing what you think is good. If you can compartmentalise without pain, keep hanging out with him. But stay attentive.

Question about separation: Why does it take so long? I mean, it doesn't have to, but why do you encounter people who are definitely never going to reconcile but who have been separated for years without pulling the trigger?

Watching the final episode of Hustle (channel changing issue meant I didn't have the Japanese guy one). Dude. Ferengi. And Jesse, from what I skimmed of your whitefont I agree with your first objection.

Last season were they such do gooders? Are they perhaps amping that up this season to distract you from the dubious morality of their actions?

I'm currently planning a trip to Belize. I'm not planning to take one, I'm just planning one. Since I can't run for a monastery right now, I need some sort of soothing activity.

This is how I get when I can't do krav. I can teach krav, but the last time I went balls to the wall teaching I ended up in the ER. Sure, I was going to the ER anyway and decided what the hell, but still--I wouldn't have gone balls to the wall if I hadn't known IV painkillers were already inevitable.

I like going balls to the wall, dammit. I don't want to have to plan like that.

I mean, it doesn't have to, but why do you encounter people who are definitely never going to reconcile but who have been separated for years without pulling the trigger?

Power and the fear of lack there of.

eta: for fuck's sake.

<3

God, it's not like we said, Allyson, bar your door, never speak to men again, NEVER THINK ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

eta: for fuck's sake.

I just didn't think being separated was such a huge red flag, for fuck's sake. Or for fuckless sake either.

That might have a lot to do with the fact that I was separated for such a long time.

But I will definitely argue that you have to risk the heartache to get romance, you have to be open to possibilities, and you have to take chances. It's not all-or-nothing, but often a matter of trying on a lot of in-between relationships until you're ready for something more serious. Most people need a lot of trial relationships before they're capable of maintaining a marriage commitment.

Why validate risklessness? It is worth the heartache.

Question about separation: Why does it take so long? I mean, it doesn't have to, but why do you encounter people who are definitely never going to reconcile but who have been separated for years without pulling the trigger?

Procrastination? Not having the time, energy, or money to deal with the final legal bits? Working out details of said final legal bits?

Why validate risklessness? It is worth the heartache.

Well, can be. But you have to be in a space where the heartache would be dealable, and if you're not, doesn't matter if he or she's the best possible person on the planet, it's still wrong place, wrong time.

Why validate risklessness? It is worth the heartache.

Who validated risklessness?

Unrelatedly, I love Helen Mirren.

Power and the fear of lack there of.

That's icky. PMM's reasons are not relationship red flags, but the power thing would make me squint.