Once when i was a kid working at a Blockbuster, I had a mental customer call me up to say she had a movie put on hold and was it still there?
I said we dont hold movies. (We got a huge lecture about that the week before)
She went completely insane and said she was coming to talk to the manager. There was a lot of yelling and questioning of my intelligence.
I told her I'd check to see if the movie was on the shelf, put her on hold, and asked a customer who was in line if she would like a free movie.
Grabbed it, rented it out to her on my dime, went back to the phone and could honestly say that the movie wasn't available.
It felt good.
There was an interesting bit about Stephen Fry in the New Yorker this past summer, about a play he was in (several years ago) and how suddenly, in the middle of the play, he came down with a case of stage fright so crippling he has enver bperformed live on stage since. The writer went out and interviewed all sorts of actors and had them talk about their exhilaration/fear right before stepping onto the stage, and not a one of them denied it was sometimes just blank fear.
That, but then there's that first lady from your link. She didn't want to fly Southwest. She wanted to fly Delta at Southwest's prices. Ain't gonna happen, and everytime she gets on a Southwest plane, and it's not Delta, she's going to be pissed.
That's being an asshole.
We have clients who get pissed and think they're getting poor service when they're late for their appointment and have to reschedule. They think they should be seen anyway and screw scheduling and other clients. That is also being an asshole.
Oh, yes, those assholes are everywhere.
It was worse when I was at AIG, dealing with peoples' money. They're stressed to begin with because a) It's their retirement money! and b) "We don't understand what we did with our retirement money!"
Retirement funds (IRAs, Variable or Fixed annuities, etc.) are restricted by certain tax laws so that they are, in fact, around when you retire. There are penalties for early withdrawal...the company doesn't assess these penalties (well, they do assess penalties, but that's a whole different issue), the gummint does.
Yet time and again we'd get people who'd yank their IRA before they were 59 1/2 (the age at which the IRS says "You can use your retirement fund without additional penalties now") then demand that *we* pay the IRS, not them!
"I don't think it's fair that the IRS does that. It's *my* money!"
"Yes, ma'am, I certainly see your point."
"What are *you* going to do about it?"
Um...NOTHING YOU FUCKING HORRIBLE HAG! We didn't assess the additional ten percent TAX penalty, the TAX PEOPLE DID!
"I don't think you're providing very good customer service, then."
And I don't think you're providing anything useful to the gene pool. Please step into this soundproof Death Chamber and do one good thing for humanity.
Thing is? A lot of times I can't give them what they want, as in am prohibited by laws.
Oh, yeah. I ran into that a lot at my last job with trademark and copyright laws. When that happened, I would just repeat, "I'm sorry Customer, I'm afraid I can't do that."
I would just repeat, "I'm sorry Customer, I'm afraid I can't do that."
Oooh. I'm so doing this from now on. It will soothe my nerves.
I like to say it with a politely monotone voice and a crazed, murderous glint in my eye.
The other thing I think Joel on Software may have over simplified is the rude waiter/old lady/owner sitch. If the lady has been coming there forever, she may have the waiter/waitress she likes and likes how they handle her. Now other waiter probably has his own way that his regulars like. Now because Mike didn't treat her like Julie always does, Mike was rude.
And I don't think saying, "Huh. We've never had a complaint about him." is out of line. If the guy actually blew up, that's another thing, but let that lady think that the waiter is the one with the problem and you've done no one, except maybe Julie, any favors.
I like to say it with a politely monotone voice and a crazed, murderous glint in my eye
Will practice this tonight in the mirror.
When dealing with things the customer wants but that I cannot provide (such as illegal things or things that are physically impossible) I like to say it once and then respond with silence the rest of the time. Drives them nuts.
"I want you to kill a man and send me his head."
"I can't do that, sir, it's illegal."
"But I want it!"
...
...
...
...
"Hello?"
"Yes, sir, can I help you with anything else?"
