When dealing with things the customer wants but that I cannot provide (such as illegal things or things that are physically impossible) I like to say it once and then respond with silence the rest of the time. Drives them nuts.

"I want you to kill a man and send me his head."

"I can't do that, sir, it's illegal."

"But I want it!"

...

...

...

...

"Hello?"

"Yes, sir, can I help you with anything else?"

I felt so sorry for the fast food guy in Fast Times at Ridgemont High who got fired when the asshole customer complained....

Heh. They just had a story on NPR where they basically said the problem with hybrid cars is that they need more cowbell.

Anna Nicole's body goes to the lawyer, not to her mom. Now bury the poor woman and let's move on.

Heh. They just had a story on NPR where they basically said the problem with hybrid cars is that they need more cowbell.

They have a fever. And the only cure....

But seriously, in a few years you'll be able to buy a hybrid car that you can recharge the battery at home. So if you use it for a short trip or commute, the engine need never start, and your cost of "fuel" per mile would be about 1/4 as much as if you were running on gas.

And get that stupid-ass showboating judge off of my tv news!!

(From a ways back, but I've been swamped at work)

I need some Jilli style advice, I think. I'm going bananas trying to come up with a new look.

Allyson, I just sent you mail at your profile addy.

And yes, I want the steampunk keyboard.

I would just repeat, "I'm sorry Customer, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Ha! That's perfect.

The problem they had was that blind people can't hear them coming like regular cars.

Solution? More cowbell!

(Actually, I think the reporter said the car equivalent of a cowbell)

And bingo...

Stupid support call.

I have an amount that UCLA Medical says I owe them that's been in dispute for months. During that time, they've sent the amount to collection. Every time I receive a bill, I call collections to say that it's in dispute, and I'm not paying it until the dispute is cleared.

I had to tell today's guy to calm down. I also had to ask him if what he meant was that calling the collections company was no use, and that I should be talking to UCLA Medical instead.

That's what he should have volunteered, instead of repeatedly snapping at me that I'd told them it was going to be removed from the bill the last time I called.

Especially since I never said that.

Now I have another supporty call to make. To UCLA themselves. Oh, the joy.

Did they threaten you with paycheck garnishment? Bad credit rating? Repossesion of your head?