It isn't her choice to be upset with me over boundary-setting; it's not like she's in control of her neurosis, you know? I know it'll upset her, and I don't want that.
I totally get that. Joe and I have been dealing with a lot of the same issues concerning his mother. One of the things we have learned from our therapist is that if she starts exhibiting behavior(s) that we don't like or want to be involved with, we disengage. We either hang up the phone or leave her house (which came in handy in Michigan last week. It was awesome.). Eventually, according to our therapist, she will get it. Probably only on a subconscious level, but the behavior will change. Of course the key word there is "eventually".
And I know you don't want her to be upset, but you can't control how she's going to feel. You can only control you.
t takes off Therapy Repeater hat and does a silly chicken dance
'Course, ya could always tar and feather her the next time you're home!
{{{{ZenKitty}}}}
Pssh. Jessica's in no condition to Booze and Riot, two drinks and I'm under the table, so that's half a riot gone right there.
One can riot without the benefit of booze, and I'm sure Aims and I will womanfully up our boozing quotient to balance things out.
And {{{{Zenkitty}}}}.
t sprinkles glitter and chocolate just for you
You do know that when you say things like that, the rest of us just think OMGFUNHOTMADEOFAWESOME list and try to find ways to be there too, right, Oh Adorable One?
*Sigh* Yes, I guess it does. I appear to be an enabler.
Jessica's in no condition to Booze and Riot, two drinks and I'm under the table, so that's half a riot gone right there.
Juliana can probably cover for at least two other people. AT LEAST.
eta: semi-xpost with Juliana.
Juliana can probably cover for at least two other people. AT LEAST.
points upward
Already beat you to it, O Adorable One. Or OAO for short.
I'm sure Aims and I will womanfully up our boozing quotient to balance things out.
I can start now! There's a ton of boozy goodness in my boss' office. Will that help?
O come let us adore him?
What what?
Dude. I have the Ella Fitzgerald version of Old MacDonald stuck in my head. This is not going to be pretty. I may have to hook the damn 'pod into the speakers and blare it to Get It OUT.
It isn't her choice to be upset with me over boundary-setting; it's not like she's in control of her neurosis, you know? I know it'll upset her, and I don't want that.
Zenkitty, I hope you take this the way I intend it, which is with your well-being in mind:
Yes, it is her choice to be upset with you over boundary-setting. Unless she's clinically mentally ill and unable to distinguish reality from her own internal world, then yes, she chooses to be upset with you when you say you can't talk while at work.
Adults set boundaries, even with family members. Other adults recognize that boundaries exist and are necessary and good. Your boundary of "Please don't call with trauma while I'm at work" might annoy your sister, or inconvenience her, and that's normal. But becoming upset about it *is* her choice.
Your actions don't cause her feelings. Your actions lead her to think something, and then her emotional reaction is based on what she thinks about your action.
You say, "Sis, I want to help, but work is crazy; I'll call you tonight."
Sis can either (a) recognize that you have a job and a life and, as such, you can't always respond to her needs as the exact moment that she expresses them, although because she's under a lot of stress she might *prefer* that you do; or (b) think that you *must* respond to her needs immediately, regardless of the circumstances of your life.
Choice (a) would lead her to not be upset, but just, like I said, annoyed, and/or her current level of stress would stay the same. Choice (b) would lead her to be upset, because she thinks that you are being unreasonable and unaccomodating and abandoning her for not meeting her need immediately.
I don't mean to be harsh towards your sister. Not at all. But it also doesn't sound like you're doing her any favors by letting her upset you at work and drain you emotionally. Certainly it isn't good for you.
t edit
Er, uh, I'll take a page from Aimee's book and remove my therapist hat now, too....
There's a ton of boozy goodness in my boss' office. Will that help?
Couldn't hurt....
Juliana is going to be the first person on the Super-Double-Plus-Naughty List.
That's the one with the really fun porn, isn't it? Besides, you're the one who dubbed me "Trouble" in the first place.
Noted, Pete.
