Spike's Bitches 34: They're All Slime and Antlers
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
ita, I figured out what I was trying to say, yesterday (I had some family issues, and couldn't really concentrate on the conversation).
When I read Hec's original comment (which has since been changed, but which I quoted back, early on) and the distinction he was trying to make, what struck me was his idea that although selfishness* is a great reason to choose not to be a parent, starting out selfish* does not necessarily mean a person is going to end up being a bad parent. That's what I read as the point of his original statement, and what I'd been thinking, when I read the posts you put up, prior to his. I wasn't trying to say a baby will make a person a good parent or a good person.
The "*" is to denote I would have described desires/preferences/habits with a different term than 'selfish' if I'd been the one to start the conversation.
I had a strange dream last night, no doubt brought on by the parenting discussion yesterday. I dreamt a kid was hitting me with a big stick. I asked the mother if I could take it away from him, and she said, "No, we don't believe in taking anything away from our child." Then the alarm went off. Weird.
Freud would have a field day, huh, sj? And sadly, like Suzi, I've met that parent.
Freud would have a field day, huh, sj? And sadly, like Suzi, I've met that parent.
I've met that parent too and read about it in my school books, so it's all connected.
IOmemeN, I just cancelled my dentist appointment for this morning. I have been panicky (not about the dentist) and my asthmas is acting up, so I just couldn't deal with it today.
I had one of those pancake breakfast sandwiches this morning with sausage, egg and cheese--not from McDonalds, but from the convenience store--and, lord, was that vile. The pancake had maple syrup flavor in it, and that does *not* go with the taste of cheese and sausage. Blah.
H just made egg-cheese-n-ham on rye sammiches for brunch. There's a reason I keep him around.
Snow! We have snow. It was pelting down an hour ago, and has slowed to a misty drift of tiny flakelets now, but the ground is white and there're artistic drifts in the forks of branches.
I had a very cohernt dream last night. The plot was some sort of Noir mystery/ghost story. I was some kind of an antique dealer. ( a8th century antiques) and there was somesort of giant medusa-like ghost head. I finally got this bad guy to take the box ( 7' long , 1 foot wide) because he was going to 'control' the ghost with the box ( but we all knew how that was going to turn out) . and then I even had a 'hill o beans' speech with my partner, something along the lines of 'You know the antique world , there are no hnest dealers left. It is a business fraught with danger and no room for relations ships or family'. And then I saw scenes from the next book/movie/episode. It seem to invovle the mob - and I heard erika say "Let's go , bunkie" .
I am known for haveing cohernt and vivid dreams - but I 've never had scenes for the next episode.
What I was trying to argue against, Cindy, was the idea that we (people? Buffistas? Bitches? I'm not picky about which categorisation is being used) would rise to the occasion--I had thought rising to the occasion meant being a good parent (or at least not being a bad one), but he clarified it as taking on more responsibility, which, well, I have little argument with, since I don't think most people will abandon their kids at the fire station. But taking on more responsibility doesn't imply good parenting.
I think I was a big user of the word selfish, but I used it to explain why I wanted kids and why I didn't want kids. I stand by both assertions.
Okay. I think we were coming at it from different angles. Even my 'rise to the occasion' wasn't supposed to equate good parenting. I was merely trying to say that being "selfish" beforehand won't necessarily make one a bad parent.
I do think if a person knows his or her desires are not going to mesh with the commitment of parenting, that person is wise to choose not to enter into it.
I think I was a big user of the word selfish, but I used it to explain why I wanted kids and why I didn't want kids. I stand by both assertions.
Gotcha. I have a problem with me using the word about other people. I don't have a problem with other people using the word about themselves.
Like most of the rest of life, I think there are a constant series of trade-offs involved in parenting. When I was reading Plei's post yesterday, I was thinking how lucky Lily is to have a mother who is self-aware enough to know she needs to work for whatever reasons, rather than a mother who is martyring herself to some unworkable ideal.
I have known people who were miserable staying home with kids, either because of the lifestyle itself, or the financial stres it caused (and often some combination of the two), who were so much better parents, once they returned to the workforce. And the reverse is true. I've seen people eventually lighten their workload, and be surprised by how much better all the home stuff works.
I have known people who were miserable staying home with kids, either because of the lifestyle itself, or the financial stres it caused (and often some combination of the two), who were so much better parents, once they returned to the workforce. And the reverse is true. I've seen people eventually lighten their workload, and be surprised by how much better all the home stuff works.
Yes. Yes. And yes. I have friends who tell me they'd go crazy doing what I do. And I tell them that I do go crazy sometimes. But when I think about the years I worked, I never had as much fun or felt as good about my job as I do about my kids. And even though it's hard--it is VERY hard emotionally and financially, I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing.
Everyone needs to work out what's best for them and accept that what's best for them doesn't work for everyone else.
Of course that goes for just about everything.
DH rearranged his schedule to work from home today and let me sleep in until noon. That definitely works for me.
Everyone needs to work out what's best for them and accept that what's best for them doesn't work for everyone else.
Of course that goes for just about everything.
I would like the world a *whole* lot better if people would listen to Cashmere.
My job's the one that carries the health insurance and DH already works from home, so it was kind of a no-brainer who would be staying home with the kids. (That and the fact that NYC + single freelance writer's income = starving children.)
