Exactly, Jesse.

Oh! My point was that we should all (new, old, inbetween) pay attention to how people are reacting to us, and how we are reacting to other people. Even if we disagree, there's no call for rudeness.

Even if we disagree, there's no call for rudeness.

And it's a very good point, for both new and old.

Many thanks, Jon.

I think we take civility very seriously. However, after a fairly long time with only the occasional newcomer, it's easy to "know" what someone else means, even if to an outside reader, they would seem obnoxious. I mean, Elena could call someone "Willow-loving FREAK!" and it wouldn't tend to be a problem. Meeting new friends, it's a little trickier setting the right tone.

I agree with this. I didn't mean to sound like I thought we were being consciously unkind. I think the etiquette is spot-on with "lurk for a while and you'll learn our language."

I wasn't going to weigh in on this one, but...

The first iteration of "only six people watching it" was not worth noting in my mind. Not the most insightful comment, but oh well. But then someone on the board *was* bothered by it, and what bothered me was that the response was to repeat the claim and get all huffy, rather than say "oh well, didn't mean to offend" and move along.

I think the long debate in Buffy right now on racism is a good example of how disagreements about language tend to get gnawed on and worked out on this board.

I can see vociferously defending one's opinion that (not an actual spoiler) Angel & Cordy should get married but there is no reason to dig one's heels in because someone else disliked one's *admittedly* inaccurate language. It simply makes the board a more prickly place, and I for one am resisting letting this board become prickly.

The problem is that the person who got offended didn't stated it in the most civil manner either, IMO. Mind you, if somebody told me "I'm going to write a killfile so that I don't have to read you anymore", I'd get a bit peeved myself too.

The problem is that the person who got offended didn't stated it in the most civil manner either, IMO. Mind you, if somebody told me "I'm going to write a killfile so that I don't have to read you anymore", I'd get a bit peeved myself too.

Agreed. But someone else's rudeness is no justification.

Well, speaking only for myself, if somebody pointed out to me that they had felt offended in such a rude manner, I'd be *much* less inclined to apologize to them than if they just said: "hey, cool it off".

I guess I wasn't clear. I didn't say an apology was in order, did I? I think I just suggested that board etiquette is to back off rather than continue to irritate others, even if the first episode was entirely unintentional.