I fretted here first because I didn't want to post anything on my official social media. Thank you all for letting me pop in and worry though I've been so absent here. I just did write up some stuff on my FB and am pasting below for anyone not over there. This is just to give you all the update.
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I'm going to get really real here for a minute.
I love my dad. We haven't always had an easy relationship, but I've never doubted he loves me and is proud of me. I'm an only child, and my parents have been divorced almost 30 years, so it's just me.
This has been a uniquely difficult Father's Day weekend. My cousin, who lived near him in Florida, called me Friday around noon, concerned because he was incoherent on the phone, and when I finally got in touch with one of his friends, the friend was about to take him to the hospital. He'd had a stroke, though a small one, so I jumped on a red eye that night; I landed at 6 a.m. Saturday and spent almost the whole day at the hospital. Yesterday was pretty awful. In addition to the stroke symptoms, they tried to sedate him for a procedure, and he had a horrible reaction to it — he got combative and started hallucinating and angry and didn't understand why we wouldn't let him get out of bed. When I had to leave because visiting hours ended at 7, he had no idea who I was. He pulled the IV out and fell down in the middle of the night, and they had to put a watcher on him today to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself.
So. Not a great 36 hours.
Today was better; those meds had worn off, and he knew me again and was less combative, though definitely upset I was "telling him what to do." With the help of two of his local friends (who will forever be angels to me), I was able to take a break to eat and get his house somewhat ready since they discharged him. I should add here that he's been showing signs of early dementia for the past two years, and his friends said there have been some really weird things in the past few weeks especially.
He's more himself right now and will recover from the TIA, but those early dementia signs are not going to get better. He's severely underweight (he weighs less than I do) and says he's never hungry, and though I've tried to get him on a meal delivery service, he doesn't always eat it. He's developing some compulsions and minor obsessive behavior, and he doesn't really think he's that sick. He says it's "just stress" and is insistent that he's fine on his own.
I'm not looking for advice here — I've got a bunch of next steps already lined up, including hiring home health care to visit him 4-8 hours a day to make sure he's safe. I'm also going to meet with a lawyer to get his assets moved into a shared trust and to try to convince him to give me power of attorney (he trusts me but doesn't want to take that step because it feels like something bad might happen even though I already co-own his condo and am on his bank accounts; I do all his finances).
But he lives in Florida and I live in California, and none of this is easy. And this is been a very bittersweet Father's Day.
Much love to those of you also having less than a great day.