ita in boxed set expressing how I feel all too often:

I do not have an emoticon sufficient to the task.

Vortex, in natter, on if men had to be fit for underwear like women do for bras:

Smarmy Sales Guy: Welcome to BornFreeBall, may I help you?

Clueless Customer: My girlfriend is making me come here for an underwear fitting.

SSG: Right this way, sir. What will you be using this underwear for?

CC: What do you mean?

SSG:Well, will this be used for sports, for social purposes, both . . .?

CC: Oh, um, both, I guess.

SSG: Great, thank you. Now, I'm going to need to measure your penis.

CC: What?

SSG: Most of you are wearing the same size that your mother bought for you in high school. That will not do. We need to get measurements for a proper fit. We tried asking for an estimate, but we found that our clients tended to exaggerate. We cannot obtain a proper fit based on ego.

CC: Fine, fine!

SSG: Okay, sir, can you tell me if you dress right or left?

CC: wha?

SSG: Right or left, sir?

CC: I don't know . . .

SSG:*sigh* Which side do you put your junk on when you pull up your pants?

CC: Oh! Um, right.

SSG: Thank you. What size do you currently wear?

CC: 34.

SSG: Oh, my heavens, no! You've been wearing the wrong size! Notice how your appendage just hangs there? With a proper fit, you will look so much better! Our growing room option can prevent embarrassment in social situations.

CC: Huh?

SSG: In social situations, some men find it advisable to have some additional space in the event of an unexpected change in size.

CC: Um, I guess.

SSG: Great! Now try these on! See how they accentuate the curvature of your buttocks? Also, notice how we have accentuated the positive while not being vulgar.

CC: I guess so?

SSG: Now we have a variety of styles and colors for you to choose from . . .

CC: I don't care, just give me some underwear!

I normally don't subscribe to Music, but I got there somehow and read this and literally barked laughter across my office:

erika: John Lennon would agree with you, and he knew a lot. Except to duck. Lost art, ducking.

In Natter:

megan walker: It's just annoying that it automatically tapes things like Matlock, but not this.

msbelle: megan has a thing for Andy Griffith pass it on.

Steph L.: megan has a thing for Andy Williams pass it on.

Jesse :megan has a thing for Venus Williams pass it on.

Aimée : megan has a thing for venus flytraps, pass it on.

Miracleman: megan has a thing for Audrey II, pass it on.

I'm a little behind. Natter:

Cashmere:

Toddlers are us without the thin layer of civility forced upon us by society. They are free and unencumbered by shame or self consciousness.

I love it.

I just hate it when it pees on my furniture.

Trying to catch up, I found this gem from erika in Bitches:

We are TV fanatics. If we took out a fatwa, it'd be on "Touched by An Angel" fans.

Miracleman: ND has enough music that God Himself goes "Dude" then hits Shuffle and zones.

connie neil: Oh, MM, I put your Call Center Hell sketch up as my computer desktop picture. My co-workers snickered, my supervisor frowned uncertainly. I've replaced it with a picture of a diamond-encrusted skull. It's even more fun to tell Uncertain Supervisor that "Skulls make me happy."

Miracleman: It's even more fun to tell Uncertain Supervisor that "Skulls make me happy."

"...and, sometimes, they make the voices quieter.

Sometimes."

Seriously? You people are just cooking with gas today

Pete, Husband of Jilli: Message for shrift:

I managed to chat with Jilli last night after she got back from the show.

She met some of the band. There's more, but I'll let Jilli tell you the details. You may very well want Jilli to surrender her top layer of skin.

Jilli VoiceOfReason: Sweetie, you're not supposed to GIVE SHRIFT IDEAS.

We waited at the tour bus (with a mob of other fans) after last night's show. Mikeyway and Frankie came out to sign autographs. Frankie remembered me! He complimented me on my outfit, I said I had been lucky enough to meet him after the last Seattle show, and he said "That's right! I remember you!". And then gave me a hug.

shrift, please don't skin me because I have hugged the Frankie.

Cass: Please do not skin Jilli, shrift. She's all pretty now and I don't know if "Cupcake goth" is a look that's going to work with her looking like those Invisible Woman models you put together as a kid.

Pete, Husband of Jilli: Oh Cass, you fuss too much. A top layer is just dermabrasion. She'll just look all pink and glowing like as if she'd just got done at the spa, or been flooded with sparkly pink radiation.

Amy: If all radiation was pink and sparkly, the world would be a much prettier place.

Miracleman: I managed to produce pink and sparkly radiation once.

The problem is getting the fairies to smash together fast enough that they fuse and give off excess pink-and-sparkly-heavy neutrons.

amych: You need a sparkly fairy supercollider.

Miracleman: Yeah. Which means I need a shitload of magnets and a shitload of steel-jacketed fairies.

oh, it goes on and on...

Fay, in Bitches:

I wish that I had some Buffistas here to play with. Feeling a trifle lonely. Am ass. Should go out and play with myself