Now we need a word for auto-replacement typos

Robot colonscopies, perhaps?

in bitches:

bonny fides

I just got done de-boning a truly yummy turkey I roasted this morning. There is something so primal and satisfying about doing that.

Plus, the pot of soup I'm making along with it smells fantastic.

PLUS, there is Bartleby's earnest, "Can you see me over here on my spot being good? This is some world class 'good' going on over here. First rate stuff. And I say this, not so much because the goodness that is me is worthy of note, but that it is goodness worthy of reward."

I swear, if he had actual eyebrows, he'd be waggling them at me.

Hey, thanks Laga!

Now, if only Bartleby considered being commed for posterity to be reward enough...but nooooo.

erikaj: I wanted to do jedi mind tricks. If I were a better dresser I'd have gone into PR.

Seriously nobody has COMMed this yet?

Jen, in Bitches:

All your Buffista vajayjay are belong to me!

From Movies, a little ways back:

le nubian: Is Hello Kitty art? Because I consider Precious Moments and Hello Kitty in the same league.

ita: See, only one of those lines would have a vibrator, and I think that's an important distinction.

Natter, natch.

ita: I just had cause to say "I put the 'ita' into 'Gothic Lolita'

Dana: ...anyone else tempted to start making LOLitas?

"I can haz lethal weapon?"

"I kicks you in the hed."

ita: That is so not what I wanted you to take away from that sentence.

Dana: "Invisible krav maga."

Miracleman: For we are omniscient and wise. The only reason we're not running the world right now is because TV is shiny.

ita in boxed set expressing how I feel all too often:

I do not have an emoticon sufficient to the task.

Vortex, in natter, on if men had to be fit for underwear like women do for bras:

Smarmy Sales Guy: Welcome to BornFreeBall, may I help you?

Clueless Customer: My girlfriend is making me come here for an underwear fitting.

SSG: Right this way, sir. What will you be using this underwear for?

CC: What do you mean?

SSG:Well, will this be used for sports, for social purposes, both . . .?

CC: Oh, um, both, I guess.

SSG: Great, thank you. Now, I'm going to need to measure your penis.

CC: What?

SSG: Most of you are wearing the same size that your mother bought for you in high school. That will not do. We need to get measurements for a proper fit. We tried asking for an estimate, but we found that our clients tended to exaggerate. We cannot obtain a proper fit based on ego.

CC: Fine, fine!

SSG: Okay, sir, can you tell me if you dress right or left?

CC: wha?

SSG: Right or left, sir?

CC: I don't know . . .

SSG:*sigh* Which side do you put your junk on when you pull up your pants?

CC: Oh! Um, right.

SSG: Thank you. What size do you currently wear?

CC: 34.

SSG: Oh, my heavens, no! You've been wearing the wrong size! Notice how your appendage just hangs there? With a proper fit, you will look so much better! Our growing room option can prevent embarrassment in social situations.

CC: Huh?

SSG: In social situations, some men find it advisable to have some additional space in the event of an unexpected change in size.

CC: Um, I guess.

SSG: Great! Now try these on! See how they accentuate the curvature of your buttocks? Also, notice how we have accentuated the positive while not being vulgar.

CC: I guess so?

SSG: Now we have a variety of styles and colors for you to choose from . . .

CC: I don't care, just give me some underwear!