Seriously nobody has COMMed this yet?

Jen, in Bitches:

All your Buffista vajayjay are belong to me!

From Movies, a little ways back:

le nubian: Is Hello Kitty art? Because I consider Precious Moments and Hello Kitty in the same league.

ita: See, only one of those lines would have a vibrator, and I think that's an important distinction.

Natter, natch.

ita: I just had cause to say "I put the 'ita' into 'Gothic Lolita'

Dana: ...anyone else tempted to start making LOLitas?

"I can haz lethal weapon?"

"I kicks you in the hed."

ita: That is so not what I wanted you to take away from that sentence.

Dana: "Invisible krav maga."

Miracleman: For we are omniscient and wise. The only reason we're not running the world right now is because TV is shiny.

ita in boxed set expressing how I feel all too often:

I do not have an emoticon sufficient to the task.

Vortex, in natter, on if men had to be fit for underwear like women do for bras:

Smarmy Sales Guy: Welcome to BornFreeBall, may I help you?

Clueless Customer: My girlfriend is making me come here for an underwear fitting.

SSG: Right this way, sir. What will you be using this underwear for?

CC: What do you mean?

SSG:Well, will this be used for sports, for social purposes, both . . .?

CC: Oh, um, both, I guess.

SSG: Great, thank you. Now, I'm going to need to measure your penis.

CC: What?

SSG: Most of you are wearing the same size that your mother bought for you in high school. That will not do. We need to get measurements for a proper fit. We tried asking for an estimate, but we found that our clients tended to exaggerate. We cannot obtain a proper fit based on ego.

CC: Fine, fine!

SSG: Okay, sir, can you tell me if you dress right or left?

CC: wha?

SSG: Right or left, sir?

CC: I don't know . . .

SSG:*sigh* Which side do you put your junk on when you pull up your pants?

CC: Oh! Um, right.

SSG: Thank you. What size do you currently wear?

CC: 34.

SSG: Oh, my heavens, no! You've been wearing the wrong size! Notice how your appendage just hangs there? With a proper fit, you will look so much better! Our growing room option can prevent embarrassment in social situations.

CC: Huh?

SSG: In social situations, some men find it advisable to have some additional space in the event of an unexpected change in size.

CC: Um, I guess.

SSG: Great! Now try these on! See how they accentuate the curvature of your buttocks? Also, notice how we have accentuated the positive while not being vulgar.

CC: I guess so?

SSG: Now we have a variety of styles and colors for you to choose from . . .

CC: I don't care, just give me some underwear!

I normally don't subscribe to Music, but I got there somehow and read this and literally barked laughter across my office:

erika: John Lennon would agree with you, and he knew a lot. Except to duck. Lost art, ducking.

In Natter:

megan walker: It's just annoying that it automatically tapes things like Matlock, but not this.

msbelle: megan has a thing for Andy Griffith pass it on.

Steph L.: megan has a thing for Andy Williams pass it on.

Jesse :megan has a thing for Venus Williams pass it on.

Aimée : megan has a thing for venus flytraps, pass it on.

Miracleman: megan has a thing for Audrey II, pass it on.

I'm a little behind. Natter:

Cashmere:

Toddlers are us without the thin layer of civility forced upon us by society. They are free and unencumbered by shame or self consciousness.

I love it.

I just hate it when it pees on my furniture.

Trying to catch up, I found this gem from erika in Bitches:

We are TV fanatics. If we took out a fatwa, it'd be on "Touched by An Angel" fans.