The Trojan War could only have been improved by a scavenger hunt around the Mediterranean with triremes.

Sean in Buffy on life in Hollywood:

Every waiter in town isn't trying to become a key grip.

Topic!Cindy in Bitches :

Oooooh. Dork fight! Dork fight! Pretty soon, they'll whip off their glasses. Well, they'll try, but the duct tape holding the frames together will get stuck in their hair, so the specs will just sort of hang in their faces, occasionally poking them in their eyes.

sarameg in Natter:

I don't need a survey to tell me people are largely stupid. I just have to drive to work.

tommyrot, in Natter, context schmontext:

And Jesus in his agony did cry out on the cross, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do!"

flea: (The Right To Bear Arms is a commandment, right?)

Teppy: No, no -- the Right To Arm Bears is a commandment.

"I, the LORD your God, do love the ursine creatures above all others. Therefore, thou shalt provide all manner of artillery to every type of bear, except the Koalas, for lo, they are not actually bears. They are marsupials, you dumbasses, and I, the LORD your God, proclaim that thou shalt NOT provide marsupials with artillery, for lo, they are shifty and prone to switching loyalties without notice. In retrospect, I shouldn't have created them.

"Go now, and do as I have commanded."

JZ in bitches:

I would be all in favor of watching the humans play baseball in a catlike fashion -- it'd make lousy baseball but great entertainment.

Swisher's rounding second, coming up on third, and... he trips over Scutaro, who was tackled in a surprise move by the opposing third baseman, who's now vigorously washing Scutaro's ears!

It's a simple pop fly headed right at Milton Bradley, who's sitting on his haunches in the outfield looking dreamily at absolutely nothing. The ball plops down right by his left foot. After a minute or two of staring blankly at the ball in mild surprise, Bradley goes batshit, springs to his feet, and tries to run frantically in nine directions at once. Then he falls asleep.

The ball somehow manages to leave closer Houston Street's hand, sailing over the head of the batter curled up snoring peacefully on home plate, and whizzing past Jason Kendall, who's writhing in ecstasy as the ump scratches behind his ears. The ball flumps to the ground some yards away, and Kendall promptly bites a chunk out of the ump's hand.

In Natter, a discussion of mawwage:

shrift

I just overhead our temporary receptionist, who is 20 years old and still in college, inform someone that she has her entire wedding planned even though she's currently single.

I don't even know what to do with that.

Allyson

Tell her you've got your entire divorce planned right down to the caliber?

Nutty, in Spoilers (not spoilery):

People whose names rhyme should not be married anyway. Do you see me married to somebody named Slutty? No!

Context is for sissies.

Hil R. in Bitches: "Anyone who comes to the front of the bus and sings or dances or otherwise makes a fool of himself gets an inappropriate bear."