More funny in Bitches:

Cashmere:

Welcome to the Toddler Cold Wars. Your enemy is younger, more creative and has had more sleep than you. Your job is to put up as many blockades to freedom as you can devise, no matter how expensive or complicated they make YOUR life. You're fighting a losing battle to uphold the status quo, knowing, all the while, that they will eventually find away around, into or out of whatever you've set up.

But at least it slows them down long enough for you to catch them before they maim or kill themselves.

(I feel like a dork with all this COMMing, but this one was just too true not to quote.)

Miracleman in F2F re: herding Buffistae:

Herding cats is easier.

For that matter, so is herding mercury.

With a fork.

A fork missing two tines.

And the remaining tines are bent.

I feel like a dork with all this COMMing

"Did you hear about Kristin?"
"What'd she do?"
"She COMMed. A lot.
"That dork."
"It's like she'll laugh at anything."
"What a dork!"
"We should totally buy her a sneeze screen for Secret Santa, with a note that says 'Maybe this will keep the coffee off your monitor.'"
"Right?"

Apparently Hec's dorkage is so strong, it made Kristin think it was coming from inside the house.

Apparently Hec's dorkage is so strong

It is, of course, doubly dorky to post non-COMMs in COMM.

eta: And to double-post while non-Comm COMMing is like hitting the dork trifecta.

Two separate exchanges from Natter, both starring Lee.

Lee: Ever since I came in this morning, there's a weird sound coming from the walls, like a ghost dog got caught in them and is yowling to get out.

I wish it would stop.

Matt the Bruins Fan: You really did take a job with Wolfram & Hart, didn't you?

***************************************

Lee: So, what's in people's "shit I didn't say" file for the day?

Plei: Shit I actually said at lunch:

"You know, somewhere, there's a universe where all you guys ended up as rentboys."

Lee: Were you talking to actual people, or SPN on your ipod?

Cindy, can we pretend I didn't say "actually" instead of "actual"?

I do know the difference, usual.

bon bon:

How NOT to impress a powerful partner with your industriousness of billability, by: me.

File all documents on your desk, leaving it mostly empty and shiny except for a clean pad of paper. Begin selecting which pens to put away by which ones have the most ink. Make eye contact with passing partner as you appear to be mostly occupied with staring at a pen in each hand. Get back to actual work.

shrift in Natter:

Speaking of customer calls, I have this embarrassing habit of completely blanking on customer names almost immediately after they tell me who they are. I have to write it down if I want to avoid the embarrassing, "And, uh... what name is your account under, again?"

Me: Brain, I know you don't give a shit about these people, but could you hold onto the info for at least two minutes before trashing it?
Brain: And overwrite all those Journey lyrics? NEVER.
Me: Fantastic. I'd be golden if only these people were named Wheelinthesky Keepsonturnin