Sarameg: Teeth? Another design flaw.

Daisy Jane: Right!?! Why aren't they steel and pointy so we can rip out the bowels of our enemies?

It's possible I've had too much scotch.

Allyson: They were trying to make me feel like some sort of humorless dried up feminist. I'm a really funny, well moisturized feminist.

In Bitches.

Ailleann: I'm happy to report that today so far has been much better. I got a good night's sleep, didn't wake up with a headache, did some apartment cleaning, and watched me some Winchesters. And my knee hurts a lot less, though I still don't know where my brace is.

I'm almost human enough.... to go to work for 7 hours. Ugh.

Hil R.: Ow ow ow. Woke up with a swollen knee. Not sure why it's swollen, but it hurts to put any weight on it.

So much for my plan to walk to the grocery store today.

Ailleann: takes angry knee back

In Natter --

Laura: It's raining. Brandy ran out the front door, quickly peed and ran back in. She's a fine girl.

billytea: But her life, her love and her lady, is the pee.

Smiting is all in the family in Bitches:

Miracleman:

Well, the Empress is at home with Lil Empress (no daycare today), so I suppose the smiting duty falls to me.

Okay...lessee now...

To: Robin's Dumbass Insurance Company

To Whom It May Concern,

KNOW THAT FROM THIS DAY UNTO THE SEVENTH SEVEN OF GENERATIONS YOU, AND ALL YOUR UNHOLY OFFSPRING, SHALL SUFFER TO HAVE THY VISCERA CHURN WITH BOILING ACID, THAT VILE FLUIDS SHALL ISSUE FORTH FROM THINE EVERY ORIFICE, VERILY FROM EVERY PORE OF THY HIDEOUS, WARTY SKIN AND THAT YOU SHALL EVER SUFFER THE MADDENING BURN OF DEVILISH PARASITICAL WORMS GNAWING UPON THINE BRAINS, CAUSING NEVERENDING ANGUISH TIL THOU SHALL CRY UPON EVERY PASSING PERSON TO END THY MISERABLE WORTHLESS EXISTENCE BY BLUDGEONING YOU TO DEATH SLOWLY OVER THE COURSE OF MONTHS WITH THEIR FOOTWEAR! AND KNOW THAT YOU SHALL EVER SEE DEVILS AND DEMONS POKING YOUR ROTTING FLESH WITH BURNING BRANDS AND SHALL EVER HEAR THE INSANE HOWLING OF THE VORACIOUS VOID-THAT-CONSUMES-ALL AND SHALL LIVE EVERY DAY WITH HEART PALPITATING FEAR! AND KNOW ALSO THAT, UH...THINE MOTHER WEARS BOOTS FOR COMBAT AND THAT THOU SMELLST PECULIAR AND THAT THINE MATER DOES ENSHROUD YOU WITH RIDICULOUS SARTORIAL CHOICES THAT INDUCE ALL THAT SEE YOU TO MOCK YOU AND THROW ROTTEN PRODUCE. VERILY I SAY UNTO THEE "NYAH NYAH NYAH *NYAH* NNNNYYYYAAAAAHHH".

Hope all is well,

Miracleman (Acting Smiter)

Aimée:

Wow honey. That's lots more eloquent than your usual, "Ass 'em in the ear."

More funny in Bitches:

Cashmere:

Welcome to the Toddler Cold Wars. Your enemy is younger, more creative and has had more sleep than you. Your job is to put up as many blockades to freedom as you can devise, no matter how expensive or complicated they make YOUR life. You're fighting a losing battle to uphold the status quo, knowing, all the while, that they will eventually find away around, into or out of whatever you've set up.

But at least it slows them down long enough for you to catch them before they maim or kill themselves.

(I feel like a dork with all this COMMing, but this one was just too true not to quote.)

Miracleman in F2F re: herding Buffistae:

Herding cats is easier.

For that matter, so is herding mercury.

With a fork.

A fork missing two tines.

And the remaining tines are bent.

I feel like a dork with all this COMMing

"Did you hear about Kristin?"
"What'd she do?"
"She COMMed. A lot.
"That dork."
"It's like she'll laugh at anything."
"What a dork!"
"We should totally buy her a sneeze screen for Secret Santa, with a note that says 'Maybe this will keep the coffee off your monitor.'"
"Right?"

Apparently Hec's dorkage is so strong, it made Kristin think it was coming from inside the house.

Apparently Hec's dorkage is so strong

It is, of course, doubly dorky to post non-COMMs in COMM.

eta: And to double-post while non-Comm COMMing is like hitting the dork trifecta.