Hec in Bitches. Everything's funnier with babies!

New Baby Fun

JZ: I think she flurmed. I'll go change her. [overheard from down the hall] How can you be so cute? Let's just get you cleaned up. Hey! Don't do that! Why would you do a thing like that?! No! Bad baby!
Me: What happened.
JZ: She kicked her foot in the poop. Then she peed on my hand!

::ten minutes later::

Matilda: {FLURRRM}
JZ: You can change her this time.
Me: This is an opportunity for you to show...
JZ: I did fifteen freakin' diapers today, okay?
Me: I got her. [takes baby to changing table] Alright. Mommy doesn't know how to handle you. What we need here is a speed change. Ya gotta prep before hand, then ninja speed changing powers! I'll just unzip you....look at that. You did indeed flurm. Hey! Don't...Dammit.
JZ: What happened?
Me: She peed on my hand.

Steph in Natter:

Every year for Xmas I give my brother the ugliest/tackiest/goofiest boxers I can find. The year Spider-Man was out (or maybe Spider-Man 2; I disremember), I found boxers at Target that had Spidey on one leg, and the Green Goblin on the other leg, and they were fighting.

Mind you, this was on the *front* of the boxers.

I included a note to my brother that said "Frankly, nothing says 'Merry Christmas' like Spidey and the Green Goblin engaged in homoerotic battle right across your Johnson."

shrift waxes philosophical in Natter:

I want to live in a reality that has a liberal bias. I bet they still have civil rights there.

In Natter, Gud discovers one of the great secrets of campaign strategists and spambots alike....

I'm getting bombarded by mostly Republican direct mail. It sort of reads like Smurf literature only with the word 'liberal' replacing the word 'smurf'.

from bitches:

Aimée - Oct 26, 2006 12:36:17 pm PDT #8801 of 8810 Mark Block

You're supposed to change diapers?????

Fuck.

Sean K - Oct 26, 2006 12:37:01 pm PDT #8802 of 8810 Mark Block

Change them into what?

Aimée - Oct 26, 2006 12:37:47 pm PDT #8803 of 8810 Mark Block

Babies, it seems. I have no clue.

Steph L.:

Did I mention -- I don't think I did -- that, betwixt me and The Boy, the L word was invoked?

Because it was.

Eeeep.

Jessica:

Lobster? Llama? Lavender? Lichtenstein?

connie neil:

Lutherans?

Nicole:

Limerick? Right on!

Polter-Cow:

I'm so glad the two of you like licorice.

Frankenbuddha:

Wait, he's a lesbian?

connie neil:

The Buffistas, making merry sport with each others' big moments since 199--something.

ita in natter:

Someone asked me if krav was like Fight Club. I said yeah, except the first rule of krav is that you have to talk about it all the time.

In Natter --

Matt: You know it's time to clean out your refrigerator when you realize the plastic bag you're looking at and wondering "why would I pack dried beef in pickle juice?" contains a tomato.

Gus brings the cheer in Natter:

Birthdays ... One More goose-step toward the Abyss.

because it's not just the bitches that need to be wrapped in bubble paper; it's a buffista trait in general:

Frankenbuddha: yesterday, while taking a stroll downtown where I grew up, I was about a half block shy of being killed by a falling air condtioner. Good times, good times.

DavidS: I was a half block shy of being bisected by a runaway bulldozer once. I always point out the chipped brick wall when I walk by it with people.

Frankenbuddha: It's funny, my first thought wasn't "Wow if I'd been walking a little bit faster, I'd either be dead or very seriously hurting", it was "huh, someone just lost several hundred dollars in two seconds."

tommyrot: A few months ago I was about 15 feet from being clobbered by a tree branch. And, um... once I was attacked by an angry heifer....

eta: Huh. Googling "angry heifer" comes up with 53 matches. So there are others who've shared my experience....

Frankenbuddha: A heifer once bit my sister.

sarameg: An aardvark bit my brother.

I'm sorry, I just can't pass up and opportunity to share that. I mean, c'mon. An aardvark? The odds, they are slight. And yet with my brother, anything is possible.