Gus brings the cheer in Natter:

Birthdays ... One More goose-step toward the Abyss.

because it's not just the bitches that need to be wrapped in bubble paper; it's a buffista trait in general:

Frankenbuddha: yesterday, while taking a stroll downtown where I grew up, I was about a half block shy of being killed by a falling air condtioner. Good times, good times.

DavidS: I was a half block shy of being bisected by a runaway bulldozer once. I always point out the chipped brick wall when I walk by it with people.

Frankenbuddha: It's funny, my first thought wasn't "Wow if I'd been walking a little bit faster, I'd either be dead or very seriously hurting", it was "huh, someone just lost several hundred dollars in two seconds."

tommyrot: A few months ago I was about 15 feet from being clobbered by a tree branch. And, um... once I was attacked by an angry heifer....

eta: Huh. Googling "angry heifer" comes up with 53 matches. So there are others who've shared my experience....

Frankenbuddha: A heifer once bit my sister.

sarameg: An aardvark bit my brother.

I'm sorry, I just can't pass up and opportunity to share that. I mean, c'mon. An aardvark? The odds, they are slight. And yet with my brother, anything is possible.

shrift in Natter, because water is literally all over:

IM IN UR PRECINCT SEXIN UR MOUNTIEZ

WindSparrow:

This was particularly noticeable in Sammie, my spazzy little girl cat. Most of the time she did not bother looking at the screen, and when the screaming started, her ears shrank back. She actively watched most episodes of Eureka. She's got a thing for sandy-haired toms, and this may be causing her to be predisposed to like Colin.

erikaj in Natter:

As a phone volunteer, I'd prefer to get your machine than your spleen. So to speak.

Frankenbuddha

I still remember what a shock it was when they killed Farley the dog in FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

DavidS

I cried when Snoopy got taken to the vet to be fixed.

Corwood Industries

I looked away, but then they came to take me to the vet to be fixed.

Kristin:

Student: We have to go to drug ed today? Oh man, I hope it isn't corny like Nightmare Before Puberty.

Me: ...Nightmare before puberty...?

Student: Oh yeah. Dance and acting troupe about puberty. They'd spray-painted the walls with fake grafitti and "told us like it was" for an hour. It was horrifying.

Me: <stunned silence>

Student: Yeah, that's the look we had on our faces, too.

We have to include Frank's filk in response, because it nearly killed me:

Boys and girls of every age
are you feeling something strange
Come with us and you will see,
this is your time of Puberty
This is Puberty, this is Puberty,
disturbing dreams in the dead of night
This is Puberty, everybody gets acne,
sulk or scream till your parents are too tired to fight

And Aimee's addition:

What’s this? What’s this?
I’m growing lots of hair!
What’s this? There’s acne everywhere!
What’s this? My hormones are all raging
and my breasts are so engaging
My face I feel it aging
Fuck it isn’t fair!
What’s this?

Damn, Kristin, could you add an "is" in between "this" and "your". I'm going to edit my original.

Also, since Kristin was too modest to add her own addition:

There are pre-teens hitting puberty
instead of hitting balls,
They're busy doing make-up,
and cruising through the malls,
There's stubble on every boy now
Oh I can't believe my eyes,
They can feel it in their boners,
Even though they're mini sized...

Things are getting desperate in Shrift's office:

Printer still spewing. Paper so hot in the tray it burns my fingers. Toner beginning to fail.