'Life of the Party'
This thread is for Buffista quotage. Posts that are profound, witty, or otherwise deserving of immortality go here. This is also Shrift's source for the BRQG, so be aware that if your words end up here, they'll also end up there. Finally, please note which thread spawned the quotage and please white-out anything that might be spoilery to Un-Americans.
From the VM thread:
Tom Scola: I'm intrigued by Aquaman. Having never seen the Smallville episode in question, I have a hard time imagining how a live-action show about Aquaman could possibly be anything but horrible.
Perkins: HoYay?
joe boucher Shouldn't that be H2oYay?
Cass, in Bitches:
Pot --> kettle --> #000000
In Bitches --
meara: Good lord! Carrots really are breaking out all over b.org!
In Literary:
David S.: It is a sad comment on our society that so few aspire to be tango pirates anymore.
Strega: Some of the tango pirates were really privateers for the dancing queen.
TomW speaking culinarily in Natter:
I feel that chocolate is a big bully in most recipes. Stick any amount of chocolate into a sweet recipe and it muscles its way to the front.
It's a diva, it's a star, it refuses to play second fiddle to anything. You put a couple of chocolate chips in an oatmeal cookie and they sit there in your mouth shouting: "I'm still big, it's the cookies that got small!".
Raisins know how to work in an ensemble. I can work with Raisins.
A tangent in the discussion on the many wonders of Snakes on a Plane:
ita: She's in the middle of filming on a shoestring budget (what's the etymology of that??)
P-C: In the late 1930s, Phineas T. Grantula very quickly ran out of money for his first film, Snakes in a Zoo, and he had to resort to the barter system, trading his shoestrings for location shoots. He very quickly ran out of shoestrings as well, which is when he turned to clubbing people on the street and stealing their shoes. Rather than, say, their wallets. In the end, Snakes in a Zoo was a flop anyway, opening the same weekend as Snakes Not in a Zoo, which made 800,000 nickels on opening night.
I'm surprised nobody COMMed evil jimi's brilliance in Buffistechnology:
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"
I don't think Jimi wrote that--I've seen it other places on the web.
No, I didn't write it. Sorry, should've mentioned that. It was sent to me in an email.
Original or not, it was still funny.