I'm surprised nobody COMMed evil jimi's brilliance in Buffistechnology:
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"
I don't think Jimi wrote that--I've seen it other places on the web.
No, I didn't write it. Sorry, should've mentioned that. It was sent to me in an email.
Original or not, it was still funny.
From Natter:
Kathy A: Last night's The Daily Show spent the opening segment talking about the (Israeli) election, including a report from the fresh-out-of-maternity-leave Samantha Bee, who spent some time explaining how a party with 28 seats out of 100+ wins an election.
Nilly: Well, here we keep needing explanations about how somebody can get more votes, but still lose the election in the USA, with the representatives system, so we can call it some sort of even in misunderstandings, I guess.
Catching up in Natter:
shrift: I'm realizing that I've never given notice at a real job. I don't know how it's done!
tommyrot: Walk into your boss's office, say, "I quit from thee, I quit from thee, I quit from thee," and then dump potato salad on his shoes.
Ginger,
on truthiness, in
Bitches:
There are special exemptions in the lying code. It's fine to lie to landlords, telemarketers and creditors. It's also okay to lie to your parents if the truth would upset them. Then there's that "weight" entry on the driver's license application....
On the casting of Dallas, the movie, in Natter:
Fred Pete:
But come on -- Shirley MacLaine as Miss Ellie? Barbara Bel Geddes must be rolling over in her grave.
brenda:
MacLaine could probably tell you for sure.
Nora:
Is today Take This Job And Shove It day for shrift?
vw bug:
That should be a national holiday!
shrift:
OH THANK GOD IT'S OVER.
Dana:
I think it was a little unfair that I had to miss shrift day, but I was out doing various things and shopping, and I got a very nice pair of pants for $8.50.
shrift:
Okay. That was weird. A coworker told me to have a great weekend, and then told me to be careful. Twice.
Is there a hit out on me that I don't know about? WTF?
DXMachina:
You know how in the movies, the cop who's three days away from retirement always takes it in the chest?
Probably nothing to worry about...
shrift:
<STRAPS ON KEVLAR>
ita:
Dana, with your shopma you're well set to stock up for the retaliatory rampage you'll go on while shrift is touch and go in the ICU.
Dana:
I get to be the cop that doesn't play by the rules? Awesome.
ita:
You'll do whatever it takes to see justice is done. Or more.
Of course, since I'm black, I'll yell at you, wave a cigar, and demand your badge, but deep inside I totally understand what you're doing, and once you're out of the office I'll put my job on the line to protect you from the higher-ups.
Dana:
Sure, you understand my pain, what with all of the institutional prejudice you had to deal with while you rose through the ranks.
ita:
And, you know, I envy you your relative freedom to operate as you see fit.
Dana:
I know. If the world were a different place, you'd be right by my side, but you've played the game this long, and you're not going to jeopardize your position. I respect that, even if I'm never going to tell you to your face. But it's not going to stop me from blowing up half of the city on my quest for vengeance.
ita:
If only you'd listen when I tell you there might be another way! I'm afraid you'll go too far, upset as you are, and I won't be able to help you anymore.
Man, I wish I remembered what it felt like to wear my gun in the field...or maybe I wish I didn't remember.
Dana:
Look, man, I know you want to help, but this is something I've got to do on my own.
shrift:
If it becomes necessary, Dana, I will txt for vengeance.
Dana:
I'll prepare my epic "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" of loss and fury.
Matt:
Oh bwah! I was just reading a discussion about TV fanfic, and someone posted that her fandom was Due South and she despises slash stories of all pairings. That's like a white supremacist choosing to move to Kenya.
Fay:
Bless her. There's bravely swimming against the tide, and then there's trying to swim in golden syrup with your hands tied behind your back and your ankles bound, whilst being pelted with sequins and maple leaves by The Village People, and taunted by the ghosts of Gay Icons Past.
All the best, Lone Voice Of Due Het Fandom. Good luck storming the castle!
