In Bitches:

Aimee:

You can milk anything with nipples.

brenda m: t suddenly worried for Joe

Aimée:

We have a 50-50 marriage. I feed the baby, he feeds the dog.

I don't ask questions.

brenda's line isn't there.

Cass: It's been mentioned here recently that parts of my family are just bugfuck crazy.

Trudy Booth: How does one fuck a bug?

vw bug: SPP is dead to me.

********************

Am-Chau Yarkona: ... we still have snakes in England (and Wales and Scotland): the grass snake (which is actually a legless lizard), the adder (the posionous but really rare one)... and possibly one other I've forgotten.

Cass: I don't care what they are technically, that's a snake. ::shudders:: The Tiajuana Estuary has some flavor of legless lizard and no one will ever convince me that they just aren't snakes that are lying to themselves.

Because I cannot stop laughing about this, in Natter....

tommyrot: Don't put a pencil in your penis

Belgrade - A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

Nora: Ugh! Aiee! My eyes!

Jessica:

Don't put a pencil in your penis

Well, there goes my weekend.

Kalshane: Okay, ow. Why would anyone think that was a good idea? And, ow!

Frankenbuddha: Some people juggle geese.

Sean: And to think, until today, I honestly thought there were some things you wouldn't ever need to post a warning about. Wrong again!

shrift: Well, now there's a whole new, even more insulting layer of meaning to calling somebody a "pencil-dick".

Frankenbuddha: It also gives exciting new meaning to the phrase "get the lead out".

DX: And you just know someone will file a class action suit that will be settled by having that warning message printed on every package of pencils manufactured for here on.

Fred Pete: I've heard of "putting the lead in your pencil," but I never thought it was meant literally.

Sean: It's only right and proper that every pencil (and in a few years, every pen too) have the words DO NOT INSERT INTO PENIS printed on them.

We just didn't know it until now.

Frankenbuddha: At least a pen doesn't carry the risk of splinters. More parts, though.

ita: Might have been a mechanical pencil. However, then there's no got wood joke.

shrift: I find myself wondering if he, perhaps, hollowed out the pencil so he could ejaculate, or if that hadn't crossed his mind between thinking "crayon-en-pénis" was a good idea and actually carrying out the doltish deed.

Frankenbuddha: Hmm. "Clicking your Bic" takes on new possibilities if it's a pen.

Aimée: God that would make maturbation noisy.

click click click clickclickclickclick

tommyrot: I once had a wooden mechanical pencil.

I also have a combination pen/laser pointer.

Dana: I read a horrid romance novel once that talked about the hero writing messages of love on the (I'm sorry to say) womb of the heroine. At the time I wondered what the writing instrument was.

Now I know.

ita:

I also have a combination pen/laser pointer.

An hour ago that wouldn't have sounded like TMI.

Steph: Maybe I'm just too choosy, but I wouldn't have sex with someone who had a pencil IN HIS DICK.

Trudy:

I also have a combination pen/laser pointer.

See, now that I could understand trying. Well, "understand" in the sense that a laser coming out of your penis is just sorta sci-fi awesome.

Erin gets ready for her night in Bitches:

I am getting ready for my own date! Hair: dyed. Legs: shaved. Ass: buffed.

Fishnets: black. Heels: high. Perfume:French.

Dude, I'm so loaded for...bare.

Burrell has a very smart boy:

Also--here's a story--last night DH was making a bottle for the boy. Isaac watched him as he washed bottles and nipples and sterilized and made the formula. Then Isaac looked at his Dad and offered him a suggestion: "Mama."

Aimée: If I wanted rejection based on superficial shit, I would have remained an actress.

In Natter

Emily

Still no progress on my philosophy of education. Christ. "My philosophy is... when some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Emily always says at a time like that: 'Have ya paid your dues, Emily?' 'Yessir, the check is in the mail.' That's my philosophy."

Beverly

Ya really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't you, Emily?

Windsparrow knows her old commercials, from Bitches:

We've secretly switched SPP's lasagna to the new Labor-Inducing!Lasagna by Aimee. Let's see if she notices the difference....

In B aBB:

Ginger: I'm certainly looking forward to deleting commas in the middle of the night.