dw in Bitches:
Me: "I was up at 3 trying to get the girl back to sleep."

Him: "You're doing a bad job selling me on this fatherhood thing."

Me: "Uh... when the hell am I supposed to be selling you on fatherhood? It's not like I'm gonna get steak knives for every couple that gets knocked up."

Thing is, I give respect, and I expect it in return. I'll tell parenthood like it is and never, ever ask anyone when they're going to have kids, but you tell me how I'm a "stupid breeder" and I'll cram the spare pacifier in my pocket up your ass.

Cindy: No, just the tenth. It goes:

key chain
manual can opener
rechargeable flashlight
corkscrew
toaster
DW40 Gift Pack
clicky fire stick thingie
electric can opener
coffee maker
steak knives

The knives are pretty nice, though.

Hec, in Bitches:

...the baby can't communicate to you what it wants, and even then what they want may be, "My whole life depends on me teething on those serrated steak knives! Nothing else will make me happy!" or, "I am rather blue today, plus my butt itches. Woe! Just pick me the fuck up already! You don't need to wipe your ass! Why must you torture me so?!" or, "I'm soooooo fucking bored. Christ. Where's that thing that was so amusing yesterday? You know. The thing. With the colors. You know what I mean! Just get it, okay?! Fuck you!"

Kathy A: I got punny with my freshman lit class in college, and titled a paper on a Wordsworth poem about the River Wye "Misty Water-Coloured Memories of the Wye We Were." I never punned for a college paper again.

dw: My big "capstone paper" on a failed federal attempt to preserve a patch of tallgrass prairie was titled "Buffalo Grass, Won't You Come Out Tonight?"

In GWW

Teppy: Challenge #75 is cave. Begin spelunking!

deb: Cave? Huh. Must cogitate.

erika: I read that as copulate. Obsessed, moi?

deb: Zen through multiple orgasms works fine for me. Either way, must see what pokes its head out of the cave.

SailAweigh: Huh. Guess I've been doing it wrong all these years.

Tim Minear, on the subject of the wacky "oops" LA power outage of 9/12/05:

Power came back on around 6:00pm. Went out around 1:00pm. My skinny cow low carb bars melted. Where was FEMA? George Bush hates pudgy white guys.

Cashmere:

Change your name to Karl Rove.

In Bitches...

Madrigal: I have an odd etiquette question that I suppose is best asked here.

Currently we're living in Rushcutters Bay, but Almanzo works on Darlinghurst in Kings Cross. The street is pretty much entirely taken up with strip clubs, bars, strip clubs that are really brothels, lingerie and sex toy stores, adult book stores, adult book stores that are really swingers clubs, etc. And a lot of women persuing the oldest profession. For the most part I don't get bothered, and now that Almanzo's at Sleevemasters, it's sort of a tiny bit like being Ben Edlund's dentist at a comic book convention.

So, now that we have the set up, here's the situation. There's one particular working girl who's been regularly offering me one of her services. And even though I decline each time, she asks again each night. The last few nights she's been saying she'll perform this act for free. And then follows me for several blocks. So what's the firm, but polite way to definitely tell a girl that you do not wish to see her vagina?

Teppy: I'll give you Crush!Guy's phone number, and he can tell you what he said to me.

Raq in Natter:

I hadn't heard that Laura Bush didn't know the name of Hurricane Katrina a week after it hit New Orleans. Clearly they need to upgrade her chip to Stepford XP.

Cracking my shit up in Natter:

Betsy: You're the Mom. What more mandate do you need?

Jilli Is "Because I said so" a mandate? I was never sure.

Mineraverse.

Kristen: Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice...

Got Life: And, sometimes, they gut you, just to watch you die.

Hey now! Got Life brought the setup. I brought the gutting.