DX, in Natter:

Sheep, or Lemmings?

Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf have a brew after a hard day's work in the fields.

Sam (blows the head off the beer, and the hair out of his eyes): Well, that was the damnedest thing I ever saw.

Ralph: No kidding. I never, ever, thought that would happen.

Sam: How'd ya do it?

Ralph: I just put on that old sheep suit. You know the one. I've worn it before.

Sam: I remember.

Ralph: Anyway, I was gonna try to sneak in and grab a sheep. Nothing fancy.

Sam: You know that never works. I always see ya.

Ralph: I know that, but I figured maybe you wouldn't expect it again. Besides, Acme was back ordered on my original idea.

Sam: Which was?

Ralph: Nice try. You'll just have to wait. Anyway, I decided to try a new angle. The cliff's right there, so I figured I'd climb up rather than try to sneak in from one of the usual ways.

Sam: Good thought. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Ralph: Nah. Turns out it's a huge pain in the haunch. By the time I got to the top, I was panting like a St. Bernard in the tropics. I wasn't watching where I was going, and stepped on a sheep patty.

Sam: Damn, I hate it when I do that.

Ralph: No kidding. Anyway, I slipped, and next thing I know I'm falling back over the edge. Fortunately, there was a branch there that I was able to grab.

Sam: I thought I cut that off the last time you were hanging over there.

Ralph: It grew back. So, I'm hanging there, thanking my lucky stars, when a sheep goes flying by me. And then another, and another. They just kept coming. Soon, there was the biggest pile of dead sheep I'd ever seen below me, so I just let go, and aimed for all the wool. Softest landing I ever had.

Sam: It was bound to happen. Sheep follow. One of them sees another sheep going over the cliff, and decides that looks like a good idea, and does the exact same thing. Next thing ya know, they're all doing it. They're like TV networks that way.

Ralph: Ain't it the truth. (glances at watch) Well, I've gotta go. Me and a bunch of friends are gonna have a barbeque down by the beach. Hey, why don't you drop on by. We're doing zouvlaki.

Sam: Nah, I can't, Besides, it wouldn't be right.

Ralph: Okay then. Night, Sam.

Sam: Night, Ralph.

-t in Bitches:

I reallized why the "Be good" sign off bugs me. It's what I say to my dog when I leave the house, meaning "don't crap on the carpet or eat the furniture". So I probably don't hear it in the spirit the sayer intends it.

From Bitches. Context? Way funnier without!

Fay: ...and thus am I punished for squicking people with accounts of my father's self-administered genital surgery.

sighs

msbelle, in Natter:

I was getting ready for be-ed and I decided to check in on the bo-oard and so I went to the bo-oard and starting reading in Natter. Oh Robin was in there posting about that lame ass R. Kelly song/video and I had to laugh because I was talking about it the other day and then saw part of it on MTV2 this afternoon. Oh yeah, I sure did. Then I typed up this post and almost couldn't finish it because I was crackin myself up so hard, damn I am funny, I said, damn I am funny. I'm funny. Oh hell yeah I am so funny. Fu fu fu funny. <melisma> fuh uuh uh uh uhhuhuh nnnnnnn nnnn nnn yyyyyyyyyyyyy! </melisma> .

from Natter

Matt the Bruins fan:

I went out and ate at a new Irish pub that opened near me. That's ate, not drank. Clearly my ancestors fled from Ireland back in the 19th century in search of the much tastier English cuisine.

I now know in my heart that Guinness was perfected in a desperate attempt to do away with the need for solid food altogether.

Natter:

NoiseDesign: I remember having some pretty good food with relatives in Northern Ireland years ago when I visited. I also remember potatoes served at least three different ways at every meal.
billytea: Was one of them with a tennis racquet? Because it really should have been.

Jessica: Rainbow Brite would totally kick Strawberry Shortcake's ass.

Steph making my cry in Natter:

erin, aron, aaron

I pronouce it PEE-can, but my great-great-great aunt twice removed, whose name is Euphemia Phoernetta Acksalackaious, who came over on the boat from the Old Country and then settled in Alabama after a brief stint in Boston, pronounces it puh-KAHN, but only when she's using her fish fork to eat her Atkins-approved dinner, which she NEVER shares with her cats, who are the cutest widdle fluffballs EVAR.

But how does she feel about gerunds?

Kristen in Minearverse:

We really shouldn't mock the Scientologists so much.

I mean, does your religion have a forcefield?