Allyson cracking me up in Lightbulbs

Allyson: Sometimes, when I post, I think about how much capital is banked, and how much I'm willing to spend telling someone to fuck themselves. And then I start looking up in a thesaurus better terms for "go fuck yourself," tally up the points for things like, "you know, that's the dumbest shit I've seen on the net, and I've read AOL chatrooms" or, "perhaps you're not thinking that through, is this really what you mean to say, or am I misunderstanding your point?"

Then I divide by pi, and post the appropriate response.

Steph L, in Spike's Bitches:

I'ma reiterate what I've said many times in the past: penii are weird as hell. I mean, I like them, don't get me wrong, but they're weird-looking and -- no external body part should move on its own like that, as often as it does.

Frankenbuddha:

Also, the plural is hopefully never used in the case of a single owner.

A conversation you can ONLY see in Buffistaland:

In B'cacy

amych Do we have room for "Rules & Etiquette" instead of "Rules/Etiquette"? In this case, the slash implications are disturbing even to me.

Jesse Mmm... hot rules-on-etiquette action. It would be so proper!

ita You know Rules has Etiquette bound and tied and is having its merry way. This is why we need safe words, people. Etiquette sure ain't happy, but's just too polite to say anything.

erika: JZ, if you tell me anything about Lewis' penis, I'll come up there and smack you. I'm not playing.

Plei in Spoilers: Dude, they totally need spoilers for things like how long labor will last. You'd know how much you needed to pack if those were available.

In Bitches:

Erin: My couch, a giant black leather recliner-y affair, was purchased from my friend S.

Friends that look at my couch and wistfully tell me "My fiancee gave me my first BJ from her on that couch!" and "I used to sit naked on that couch all the time."

The couch is a sex magnet, though. Since I've gotten it, I've has several makeout sessions on it, and drunk girlfriends of mine have had makeout sessions on it (when I have been blissfully asleep in my bedroom.)

Polter-Cow: Erin has a Couch of Sin. Rock.

Erin: It's like a black leather island of lust.

tommyrot: Most people have couches of sin, but usually the sin is sloth.

juliana: So, you're saying God is on the Atkins diet??

Susan W. 's tagline: "I heard Tom DeLay's blood was in the water and the sharks were circling him, but unfortunately, it turned out to be a metaphor." - The Onion

beth b: My DS and BIL give bunches to the SF Zoo , so they get to go to meeting and learn about future zoo plans. They talked about renovations for the bears, rhinos, and hippo homes. They also talked about who was having sex. Yes, the new silverback gorillia is getting lots. And one of the male giraffes- is starting to look at females in a new way. Unfortunatley, he is still about a foot and a half too short. ( wait it gets better) They are hoping that in about x amount of time he will be tall enough to 'achieve greatness'. Yes, that was a direct quote.

Some achieve greatness, others have it thrust upon them.

Wise Weremonkey observation, in Firefly:

Oh, yeah. Silent Running is all about being campy, now.

Kinda like Reefer Madness with a contained atmosphere.