ME: Only time the cat humped the pillow was after the pot. Tres romantic.

Teppy: I knew a guy like this in college.

In Natter --

sarameg (quoting some article): The flavor of chocolate-covered ants is made more pungent by pyrazine molecules given off as warning signs.

Tommyrot: A warning that says, "Don't cover me in chocolate, asshole."

Steph L.: Thom = THE MAN. Granted, Kyan is hottttt, but Thom is hot and funny as hell AND knows his way around a Pottery Barn.

Rio: arm-wrestles Steph for Thom

Steph L.: Babe, you just had surgery. I can beat you down.

BEEP.

Rio: That's why I said ARM-wrestle, silly. All this crutching about has given me Popeye forearms.

Steph L.: t scared now

Rio: Also crutches are good for hitting.

Steph L.: t weeping

Rio: very slow victory lap

Gud:

I have a safe for that sort of stuff. It's great, you can say things like "I'll put this in the safe". Also, you have to turn the little turny dial thing and pull the handle to get stuff out, so anything you get out of it seems extra valuable and important. Even the title to my 1992 Tempo feels important when it's in a Safe.

Catching up in Bitches, ita and Rio go a few rounds.

Ita: Why don't you guys just return your tongues to the manufacturers, or at least read the manuals, because you're not using them right.
Rio: Oh, please. My tongue is ADVANCED. In fact I am typing this post right now with it.

Rio: ita has cursed my computer. I keep getting error msgs. She is jalouse of my tongue, it's so OBVIOUS.
ita: Your tongue is not the boss of me, little bot.

Rio: does tongue krav

Two more from Bitches, NOT AT ALL connected.

Amych: Somehow, I never guessed that we'd have a serious discussion of panda snot. Really, the duck necrophilia should've been a warning.

**************

Gud: ...you could just figure that when the eggs start wearing little black leather pants that they've gone bad.

From Bitches:

Teppy: We're listening to Christmas music at work, and you know what I realized about "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"?

Santa's a *playa*, yo!

deb: Or Mommy's a *ho*, yo!

Teppy: Well, I always figured it was about Mommy being a ho, but just today it struck me that it takes two, right? So, Santa = playa.

erika: No, Santa's the playa...he could do that, what? A million times. Mom's a starfucker.

amych: Mommy's expressing her true, vital, raw sexual power as a womyn, free of all oppressive social boundaries and expectations! They only want you to think she's a ho because it serves the interests of the double-standard-weilding patriarchy!

Santa, otoh? Total playa.

In bureaucracy:

PMM: Dude. Monkey never gets old. You can shock it, spank it, puzzle it, bar it, see it, do it--monkey is the monkey wrench of the funny.

Shawn: Case in point. From the front page of www.nytimes.com.

According to advisers and court records, Michael Jackson's wealth is being consumed by lawsuits and an appetite for monkeys, Ferris wheels and surgery.

Regardless of my innate recoil at that man's name, this is still a funny fucking subhead.

Matt the Bruins fan: I think it's all money well-spent, in case he has to have his brain transplanted into Bubbles' body and run off to join a travelling carnival in order to escape the Law.

In Bitches:

Sean:

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people having problems in their relationships who think that getting married/having a kid/having another kid will somehow help, and not exacerbate the problems.

Gud:

Ah, the let's-use-this-gasoline-to-put-out-the-fire school of thought.

[For Cubs fans this is also known as let's-go-to-the-bullpen school of thought]

(DX, I think that was Sean, not me. I said something similar, and first, I might add, but I went unnoticed. Insert that saying about the guy who's never whatevered in his own something or other.)