billytea, in Bitches, as part of a discussion that sprang from an NPR story on a group of conservative Christian cattle breeders trying to genetically engineer a pure red heifer without spot or blemish, which is necessary to bring on their version of the Apocalypse:

And anyway, the Bible says the day comes as a thief in a night, not as a lab tech in a white coat shaking a test tube of bull's semen.

Allyson in Natter:

You know, I don't want to be a friggin administator. Every scientist here asks me why I don't get my degree so I can be an administrator.

First of all, "I have a BA," I say.

"Well, why wouldnt you just go get a business degree, then? They say.

I say, "Why don't you go get a degree in nursing?"

They look puzzled.

"See, you dont get a degree in nursing because you dont WANT to be a nurse. Just like I dont get a degree in Business Administration because I don't WANT to be an administrator." I explain.

"But it's more money." they reason.

"OK, but see, when I die and go to hell, i won't burn, i will be forced to balance spreadsheets all day. That would be hell. And so. If I had to go balance a spreadsheet, the next sound you would hear would be the bullet going through my skull."

"But wouldn't you get more money as an administrator?" they say.

"I would get more money as a whore, because I have all of my teeth." Okay, I actually don't say that.

Nora Deirdre, in response.

What do I know from back alley, cash only fellatio?

And she seemed like such a nice girl.

Hee. I notice that you've expunged her insistence that the answer is 'nothing'.

Quotable is quotable. Qualifications be damned.

TomW puts the button on Nora's quote:

Hmm, only time I post all day and my girlfriend's right there talkin' about whorin'! It's enough to drive a man to hard liquor and word puzzles.

Calli, in Bitches:

I've only been proposed to once, when I was helping a friend who'd gotten way too drunk. We were in college. He'd heard about doing tequila shots (lick salt, bite lime, slam tequila) but we only had vodka and lemons. So he did vodka shots. Then he started just eating the lemon wedges, peel and all, before slamming the shots. A goodly sized bottle of vodka (and about three lemons) later, he was heaving slightly used lemon wedges and other stuff into the toilet.

Since he was normally not this stupid (or at least, usually stupid in far more interesting ways than this) I stuck around to keep him pointed in the general direction of the toilet bowl, to give him some water to rinse out his mouth, and to keep him from what turned into a serious quest to drink the shampoo. In between heaving and rinsing he'd yell "I love you, Calli! Marry me, Calli!" Then he'd pound his fists on the toilet and go back to throwing up.

The neighbors called in a domestic violence report to the police.

amych, in Bitches:

I still occasionally get calls for the bookstore, oh, some five years later.

Actually, the best part is that I get to toy with them when I'm feeling nasty and bitter. They call asking if I have a particular book. I tell them. And then I refuse to put it on hold for them.

Natter:

Ellen: Anybody else want to try out for TAR next year?

Anne: MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

A Buffista team would be wonderful. The "we've been internet buddies for umpteen years who first met in RL when we showed up for the race" angle might appeal to the CBS PTB.

TomW: Couldn't you just pretend to be "gay virgin clowns"

Ellen: I think this is pretty much understood from the "know each other only from the internet" part.

Noise Design: I'm pretty obsessive about keeping my cell phone on the vibrate mode.

billytea: What is a technical virgin? Someone who's never gone all the way with machinery?

[I was going to post each one before I saw them together. Honest]