JZ enters Natter, smiling sunnily; looks around at all the surly funky swollen and inchoately disconsolate Natterers surrounding her; falters, stares fixedly at her shoes (black, open toed, pink toenail polish for those keeping track); digs into her purse and begins distributing pacifiers, blankets, Spanish almonds, sex toys, single malt Scotch, and Zoloft.

Does any of this help?

Ummm, how about a shiny nickel?

JZ, that's twice I've commed you today, even if you were setup to Teppy before.

even if you were setup to Teppy before.

That's a VERY worthy spot, I'll have you know!

Hec in Natter:

Gus, I skipped the details of your monkey bite and I am very sorry that you are now rabid. I hope we don't have to put you down. Stay away from Atticus Finch this week, okay?

I don't mean to be all "I told you so" but you wouldn't have been bitten by a crazed primate if you'd come to the Los Angeles F2F. Mostly because msbelle is more of a pincher, I hear. And she's not coming either.

Followed up by msbelle:

oh - right, Gus with the monkey bite. I knew the monkeys had gone bad, but no one will listen. (((Gus)))

And the winner of the "They should film this and show it every Christmas" category, our very own Matt, in Natter:

Greetings all. Sorry I haven't been around much, but work has been keeping me busy. Especially what with the BABY RACCOONS FALLING THROUGH THE CEILING in my co-worker's office earlier this week. I was the schmoe who was manning the office when it happened, though my grousing is mitigated somewhat by the fact that my outdoorsy boss actually netted the things and put them in a carrying case for release outside (I just shut them in a bathroom and barricaded the hallway with a table so they wouldn't scamper off). Tonight I'm waiting for him to return with a trap so we can put it in the attic and hopefully get rid of our little squatters.

Madrigal Costello, in F2F:

(Yes, I live in the state where people put long underwear under their leather pants and bondage vests, it's like a meeting of the Lake Woebegone Swingers Club.)

Sean K: I've always felt that if the world is going to pretend you don't exist, pretend they don't exist right back at them.

From Natter on the snacking choices of Evil.

Allyson:

She's evil, through and through. She's impervious to water guns, plays with double sided tape, and just yesterday, ate a whole Funyon before I could catch her.

Erin G.

That nails it. The people that stole my car one Halloween ate Funyons. Teppy like Funyons.

Funyons are the preferred snack of evildoers everwhere.

Surprised no one already posted this gem from Trudy in F2F:

Yes, now that we are lacking a gay man we won't be watching a woman's undulating belly whilst we dine.

scrappy muses on Darwinism:

I know your cat is truly evil, because cats are created with a constant of cuteness=eviltude. That is how they have survived all these years mooching off of living with us. The more evil a kitten is, the more life-saving adorability they need. And yours is so damn cute I can tell she is hell spawn.

She shoots, she scores!

JZ in Natter

[little black cat] Hi! Hey! Hi! Whatcha doing? You aren't using that hand, are you? So you can scratch my ears with it, right? Right? No, more. More. More. So what's up? How ya been? More. I been hanging. Took a nap, ate some kibble. Have you looked out the window lately? 'Cause, birds. Pretty. Let's kill them sometime. More scratching. More. More. Hey, hi! Hey! Hiya! Hey! Hey! More!

< big gray cat> The orb sears me. I walk alone in a cloud of unknowing and drink deep of the well of loneliness. You, my sun and moon, the center of my universe, so often gone from me. You take the air from the room when you depart. I beg of you, my belle dame sans merci, do not shut the bathroom door. Ah! Your coldness kills me, one glance from your eyes brings me to glorious resurrection. Mark the birds upon yon wire. Even as I die for you, my dark and inscrutable mistress, it is my earnest desire that they die for me.

edit: for fuck's sake, I can't get all the fake html in there.