Noumenon, in Natter:

We beefed up the Department of Homeland Security and Harsh But Necessary Reprimands and can't quite get the sternness back in the bottle (probably because beef doesn't come from a bottle. Excuse my metaphors.)

In Bitches:

Beverly:

No offense to the monkey lovers, but I think we've had quite enough monkey titles. Whips my chicken somewhat the latest is likely to be around a lot longer than a Natter thread. We could name every third Natter a monkey title...they're soon gone. Would that appease the monkey tribe, I wonder?

billytea:

Voice: "In the early days of the West, the peaceful town of Sniddler's Gulch was threatened by one of the meanest desparados of all time, Cowboy Monkey, a man who left his mark everywhere!"

(Cowboy Monkey comes riding into town with a branding iron in one hand marked with a monkey.)

Frightened Looking Man: "It's Cowboy Monkey!"

Cowboy Monkey: "Monkey! Monkey! Yippee!!!" (he stamps a monkey)

Voice: "Cowboy Monkey left monkeys everywhere - on the houses, on the streets, in the schoolhouse, monkeys on the horses, monkeys on the town hall, even on the good citizens of Sniddler's Gulch themselves!"

Cowboy Monkey: (in the distance) "Monkey! Monkey! Yippeeee!" (Rides off, leaving a trail of monkeys)

Voice: "The citizens finally decided that Cowboy Monkey had to be stopped."

Man 1: "Throw him in jail!"

Man 2: "Run him out of town!"

Little Boy: (crowd dies down) "Wait, what if we just ASK Cowboy Monkey to please stop marking up our town with monkeys?"

Man 3: "The kid's got an idea!"

Man 4: "It's so crazy it might work."

Woman: "Here comes Cowboy Monkey now!"

Cowboy Monkey: "Monkey! Woohoo! Monkey! Yiiiiiippee -- Monkey!" (Cowboy Monkey screeches his horse to a halt and stamps a monkey on the boy's hat.)

Little Boy: "Cowboy Monkey, would you please stop marking monkeys all over our town?"

Cowboy Monkey: "Why, sure ah'll stop!" (laughs)

Town: "Aaahhhhh!"

Cowboy Monkey: "From now on, ah'll be known as Cowboy Penguin!" (horse neighs) "Yiiiippeeeee!!!"

(Rides off, leaving penguins all over the place.)

Voice: "And the citizens of Sniddler's Gulch lived happily ever, because they really weren't very smart."

Knut, in Bitches:

Gods, I love irony. I wish I could grind it into a powder and snort it.

Jim Eaton-Terry, in Movies:

Can I just point out that, in my experience, if you wake up after being deflowered by Anna Paquim and Fairuza Balk you don't get pissed off with them? You're too busy thanking your God and taking photos to show your friends.

I'm a little behind, but this is so good, I don't care if it's been posted before.

Contains spoilers for Angel 4.12, Calvary

Allyson:

So. Lilah is dead, but Cordy is alive? Yo, Angel writers, why don't you just come on over to my place and give me a wedgie? Because, hey, that would be just as annoying, and far less time consuming for you.

Betsy Hanes Perry, in Bitches:

There are question marks in Klingon? And I've barely learned how to pronounce apostrophes!

In Natter:

PaulJ: hi!!!! Im a huge Buffy fan n' specially of Spike. he's so hot!!!! LOL. I read at a webstie that u guys were doing a buffy spinoff n' I came here. Whats up with that???? Plz dont make dawn the new salyer b/c that would be laaaaaame j/k, but u should put lots n' lots n' lots of SPike. Hes so yummy!!!!! LOL, well great talkin' to you folks.

Steph L.: Paul, you forgot the shout-outs...

Aimee: ...to the peeps and the yo's and the whazza!! Holla back! whoop whoop.

amych: Close, Paul, but there aren't nearly enough LOLs. It should read:

hi!!!! LOL Im LOL a huge LOL Buffy fan n' specially of SPIKE!!!!!1!!!!. he's so hot!!!! LOL.

And, uh, actually I can't go on. Headache returning.

Shawn: Paul, you forgot to post directly to Joss, as he spends all his time catching up in the show threads.

PaulJ: Whos Josh? I dunno. What r u talkin bout?

(SOs to: JessPMon, Aimee, Lyra Jane, Sean , DXMachina, Jon, (cuz he rulez!!!!), Steph, Zoe, Caroma, Shawn, Jesee, Sophia Brooks, Jilli, Emmett, FayJay n' ITA!!!!!)

VIP SOs to Alyson Hannigan, David Fury n' specially James Marsters!!!!! LOL

DXMachina: I get a significant other, too? Best day ever! KoRDinANgLE4evah!!!1!

Nutty, in the movies:

All the doves in the world beg John Woo to stop.

In Angel:

Jilli VoiceOfReason: (See, Ple and I know balzacq, and therefore get to make comments like that.)

P.M. Marcontell: (Yes, Jilli does make a good point.)

Betsy Hanes Perry: (Hey, quit bogarting the parentheses! There might be a shortage!)

Jess PMoon: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((mine, all mine!))))))))))))))))))))))))

Betsy Hanes Perry: ((((((((((((((((((running to the grocery store to buy milk, bread and parentheses))))))))))))))

DavisS, in Bitches:

My love for scrappy is vast, it is oceanic (let's say the Pacific), it is deep and generates life and is filled with crabs and shit.