BHP the Goddess in Natter:

One of my co-workers just said to me "Well, I suppose it's better to have a writer who's a perfectionist [meaning me] than one who doesn't care."

Honey, I have lowered my standards so far on this project you couldn't find them with a bathysphere. You haven't SEEN me being perfectionist. You couldn't cope.

Alibelle:

That is silly. And now my giggle box has turned over and I'm having a hard time stopping.

Hil R.:

He moved to Scotland after the war, got married, had a few kids, then decided that Scotland was too close to possible nuclear targets. He and his family moved to New Zealand, because he thought that would be far enough away from any nuclear attacks.

billytea:

This is probably sound logic, although it's a lot closer to any recent nuclear explosions than Scotland is. I mean, who would want to take out New Zealand? It's like kicking puppies. Sad-faced, loose-skinned shar-pei puppies.

ita:

"who would want to take out New Zealand?"

Gandalf'll kill them if they try anything.

A couple from my catching up:

From Dude:

ita?: Well, Scandinavian countries are in the EU, so I guess it doesn't bother them too much to be considered European.

Anne W.: There is something called the "Nordic Council of Ministers" which is sort of a Scandinavian-only EU. They publish terribly interesting books such as: Supervision of the Sanitary Quality of Composting in the Nordic Countries—Evaluation of 16 Full-Scale Facilities, and Apartment Ownership and Mortgage Finance in Lithuania—Busto Nuosavybe ir Busto Kreditavimas Lietuvoje. Or, if that doesn't interest you, there's always A Desk-Study of Diverse Methods of Fishing When Considered in Perspective of Responsible Fishing, and the Effect on the Ecosystem Caused by Fishing Activity.

This from the people who produced the sagas and prose eddas. Tolkein would weep.

Zoe Finch: Did you Google?

Anne W.: Alas, no. My company carries books from the UN, all the little UNlings, the U.K.'s Stationery Office, and the Nordic Council. Part of my job is trying to make these things sound vaguely interesting and/or explain what the hell the Nordic Council is. The worst had to be this UNESCO thing entitled "Puppets for Peace: Fostering Social Harmony through Puppetry."

In other words, I am quoting from the work I brought home for the weekend.

Zoe Finch:

"Puppets for Peace: Fostering Social Harmony through Puppetry."

For some reason I find this incredibly funny.

Anne W.: So did we. The cover art was on our Wall of Derision for several months.

Beverly: Okay, now I'm going to have to redecorate. I must have a Wall of Derision in the living room.

~~~

In Bitches, following a discussion of places to eat in London:

FayJay: It's this seedy little place with dust and mysterious stains and an aura of yesteryear, with a batty old lady running it who would have been wholly unfazed by a Kankanath demon demanding extra bacon.

Aimee: I was looking for a place to take my mother in law.

From Angel:

Steph L.:

No kidding. If a guy told me he was going to rape me to death, I'd be calling the cops and getting out the battle aex (not necessarily in that order). That isn't sexy -- that is violent and hideous.

Jess PMoon:

I'm thinking the cops would be more sympathetic if you weren't holding a battle axe when they got there...

Betsy Hanes Perry:

I'm thinking I'd rather deal with unsympathetic cops than being dead.

Sadly, I do not own a battle axe. not even one made out of a hubcap.

Consuela:

<makes note for Betsy's birthday>

Gleebo:

The ghost just points out lapses in his judgement. Generally in the toaster department. Like this scene here.

GHOST: How could you do this.

WES: What, it's a toaster. A four slot even.

GHOST: But it's not wide enough for a bagel...mwhaaa haaa....your father would have made sure it was wide enough for a bagel.

WES: My father. What do you know of my father.

GHOST: Enough to know that he would not have bought this excuse for a toaster. He is ashamed of you!

Noumenon, in Natter:

We beefed up the Department of Homeland Security and Harsh But Necessary Reprimands and can't quite get the sternness back in the bottle (probably because beef doesn't come from a bottle. Excuse my metaphors.)

In Bitches:

Beverly:

No offense to the monkey lovers, but I think we've had quite enough monkey titles. Whips my chicken somewhat the latest is likely to be around a lot longer than a Natter thread. We could name every third Natter a monkey title...they're soon gone. Would that appease the monkey tribe, I wonder?

billytea:

Voice: "In the early days of the West, the peaceful town of Sniddler's Gulch was threatened by one of the meanest desparados of all time, Cowboy Monkey, a man who left his mark everywhere!"

(Cowboy Monkey comes riding into town with a branding iron in one hand marked with a monkey.)

Frightened Looking Man: "It's Cowboy Monkey!"

Cowboy Monkey: "Monkey! Monkey! Yippee!!!" (he stamps a monkey)

Voice: "Cowboy Monkey left monkeys everywhere - on the houses, on the streets, in the schoolhouse, monkeys on the horses, monkeys on the town hall, even on the good citizens of Sniddler's Gulch themselves!"

Cowboy Monkey: (in the distance) "Monkey! Monkey! Yippeeee!" (Rides off, leaving a trail of monkeys)

Voice: "The citizens finally decided that Cowboy Monkey had to be stopped."

Man 1: "Throw him in jail!"

Man 2: "Run him out of town!"

Little Boy: (crowd dies down) "Wait, what if we just ASK Cowboy Monkey to please stop marking up our town with monkeys?"

Man 3: "The kid's got an idea!"

Man 4: "It's so crazy it might work."

Woman: "Here comes Cowboy Monkey now!"

Cowboy Monkey: "Monkey! Woohoo! Monkey! Yiiiiiippee -- Monkey!" (Cowboy Monkey screeches his horse to a halt and stamps a monkey on the boy's hat.)

Little Boy: "Cowboy Monkey, would you please stop marking monkeys all over our town?"

Cowboy Monkey: "Why, sure ah'll stop!" (laughs)

Town: "Aaahhhhh!"

Cowboy Monkey: "From now on, ah'll be known as Cowboy Penguin!" (horse neighs) "Yiiiippeeeee!!!"

(Rides off, leaving penguins all over the place.)

Voice: "And the citizens of Sniddler's Gulch lived happily ever, because they really weren't very smart."

Knut, in Bitches:

Gods, I love irony. I wish I could grind it into a powder and snort it.

Jim Eaton-Terry, in Movies:

Can I just point out that, in my experience, if you wake up after being deflowered by Anna Paquim and Fairuza Balk you don't get pissed off with them? You're too busy thanking your God and taking photos to show your friends.