And there's all those people who seriously love those songs, and get upset if one answers the question, "Where oh where can my baby be?" with, "On the short bus to hell for being stupid."

......Madrigal making me hack up a lung from laughing.

Nutty: I have to say, existence of books in Middle-Earth notwitstanding, archiving procedures are pretty much of the suck.

• They let Gandalf into the Great Minas Tirith Archives without white gloves on.

• With a fricken open fire source in his hand.

• And let him touch actual historical documents that are 3000 years old (and by rights should have turned to dust the moment he touched them).

And, AND, he had food & drink with him!!

To say nothing of the complete lack of indexing and proper document preservation procedures. I ask you! Denethor, where are your priorities?!

In Dude,

Vonnie K:

I have a couple of Tolkien geeks over to my house to watch the DVDs, and we are kind of fixated on finding out which book Aragorn is reading in the hall at Rivendell (when he has the conversion with Boromir re. the shards of Narsil.) We paused the DVD and squinted at the book cover, but we still can't make out what it says. Does anyone know?

Betsy:

"How To Maintain Consistent Stubble", by Don Johnson.

Hecubus:

I don't think Jack and Diane died. I think he grew a mullet, drank too much Schlitz, got a beer belly and and got a crap job at Wal-Mart. Diane had a bad perm, two kids, a nasty divorce from Jack and now she smokes More cigarettes by the carton.

Jilli:

My dad took me to see Labryinth when it first came out. At the end of the movie, he turned to me and said "So if David Bowie appears to you as the Goblin King, I'm assuming you'll give him whatever relatives he asks you for." My dad knows me well.

In Bitches:

ita: I do have a tiara, but I can't wear it, since it sets with a comb, and I don't have enough hair for it.

Steph: Two words: duct. tape.

ita:One word: Ouch!

Steph: Wimp. You can take people kicking you in the HEAD, but not duct tape? Doesn't krav teach you how to deal with duct tape attacks??

ita: At orange belt level, the tape is still on the roll. Unsheathed duct tape is some scary stuff.

amych: Maybe krav focuses only on duct tape attacks that happen while you're both blindfolded and drunk?

ita: I wouldn't call that an attack so much as a come on.

In Natter:

Hi. This is Miracleman.

Aimee is, actually, in fact hugging a tin of crayons, rocking back and forth and hissing "They sorts you wrong, yesss, they puts you out of order my precioussessessesssss..."

You broke my wife.

You owe me $10,000

In Where's my Precious?

Jeff Mejia:

Eowyn had a huge self-esteem problem that was further lowered by Grima Wormtongue's poisonous words. It can't help things when the one you want is smitten with an Elf.

Betsy:

Bitch won the Miss Middle-Earth pageant a hundred years running. How can you compete?

BHP:

I'm growing my hair out.

Ha-ha! I am a subversive Buffista iconoclast!

Allyson in Bureaucracy:

But you know how it is, the tribe wants to beat the stupid person to death lest it procreate and make dozens of stupid people and then the tribe is inundated with the stupid, and so people have to leave the tribe in the middle of the night while the stupid people get all the really cool huts to themselves. But then the stupid people can't keep the fire going, because they're so fucking stupid, and eventually they freeze to death, and the camp becomes a wasteland.

Then the archaeologists come and see the broken clay pots of the once mighty civilization and theorize that an outbreak of measels killed everyone off, but really, it's just that the stupid people took over, and the smart people left to go invent the wheel, someplace else.