Kristen in Firefly (not spoilery):

Dear Santa:

With a little over an hour left before your arrival, I would like to submit my belated Christmas list. I know it's late but, hey, I've been busy. I'm sure that you have an elf monitoring this board and he can hit you up on the two-way with my requests.

I have been a rather good girl this year...no, really. I mean it. Stop laughing, you oafish freak. I've been damned freaking nice and haven't bitch slapped 90% of the people that I wanted to this year. Okay, granted, if I had bitch slapped everyone I wanted to, my arm would be in traction but, hey, the point remains. I have been good. So, you know, you should give me stuff. Here's my list:

1. Dental insurance. I know why. You know why. Let's not dwell.
2. Smite all persons who make stupid remarks, such as, "women really aren't natural leaders."
2b. A camcorder to commemorate the aforementioned smitings.
3. Free iced blended vanillas for the rest of my natural life.
4. Vienna. Don't ask. It's a thing.
5. Firefly on UPN.
5b. 10,000 copies of the press release heralding the aforementioned Firefly on UPN news so that I may stuff a copy down the throats of every person who tried to fuck with me during this campaign. [Yes, I have a list. It will make it easy to track them down for the stuffage.]
5c. That, in celebration of Firefly's new home on UPN, Minear will kill Inara. Hard. Possibly at the hands of some chainsmoking redheaded chick who is not named Wilhemenia.
6. Any member of NSYNC that is not Lance or Joey.

That's it. Not a huge list. But a list. You should get on it.

Don't make me use those unfortunate pictures of you and the Easter Bunny.

Hugs and kisses and extortion,
Kristen

PS You might want to tell Rudolph to switch colors. I think he'd look better in a yellow-based red than the blue-based red he's got going on now.

meara's tagline:

Playing Trivial Pursuit With the Family: Brother:"What is a male witch called?" Mom: "Um....a vegan?"

In Dude, Where's My Precious

connie neil

My god, Aragorn's fighting off the good ole human-to-human lust. All well and good to stroll poetically through the moonlight with ethereal Elvin maidens and muse on the ending of ages and civilizations, but sometimes you just got to fall for a freckle-faced blonde who could kick your ass if she so wished.

Shawn

And when he gets over Legolas, there's Eowyn, too.

Nattery goodness:

Sue: Somervillains, I was watching NBC from Boston this morning, and there was a running list of local cancellations. Once just said:

Somerville
Cancelled
Does this mean you don't exist?

DXMachina: Sue, you're just in time. We're starting a "Save Somerville" campaign ASAP. Working on a postcard design and a posting board as we speak...

JonB: Damn! How am I gonna get home (if there's a home to get to!)?

DXMachina: Jon, can we get you to autograph a few pictures of you in your silver pleather outfit for the "Save Somerville"(tm) party hosts?

ita: C'mon, don't give up hope. Perhaps a new state will pick you up?

Rob: Make sure the new state only gets to see Davis Square, then tell it the rest of Somerville is pretty much the same.

DXMachina: Yeah! Providence got renewed, but I think Pawtucket is in danger of cancellation. You could probably get that slot.

Jess PMoon in Dude, Where's my Precious?":

That SDMB thread has warped me. I was walking to the post office, and all I could think of was LotR in the style of Monty Python...

PET STORE OWNER: I keep telling you, there is no such thing as a hobbit license, you don't need one!

ARAGORN: In that case, give me an Elf license.

PET STORE OWNER: What, an Elf license? For your pet Elf, Elrond, Elrond the Elf?

ARAGORN: No, Elrond the Half-Elf. He had an accident.

and BtVS...

In every generation there is a chosen one. He alone will stand against the Nazgul, the Orcs, and the armies of Sauron. He is the Ringbearer.

billytea, contemplating the season:

Oh dear. One of my Christmas pressies is a Hollies greatest hits collection. I'm listening to it right now, and they just played a song called "I Can't Tell The Bottom From The Top". Thanks entirely to the influence of this board, I find myself unable to take the title at face value.

And a very FayJay Christmas:

FayJay: Also, LittleSisterJay sent miscellaneous nice bits & pieces from China, my favourite of which was arguably the bottle of moisturiser called Sod Milk. Sent, presumably, because she knew one of us would find it amusing. My mother and I laughed like drains. "How do you milk a sod?" she asked, to which I was obliged to reply that I had an anecdote about that from last New Year's Eve, but wasn't drunk enough to share it.

Am-Chau: Snerk! It may be that we should ship Sod Milk from the Buffista store, such are the porny possiblities of this thing.

What does it say on the label? "Can be rubbed into sensitive skin. No animals were harmed in the making of this product, though some evolved apes may have had fun*. Not for use by under 18s."

And by fun, we mean...

FayJay:

No, the label says:

chinese character chinese character chinese character SOD chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character SOD chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character chinese character SOD.

DX, in LotR:

Frodo the Ring Bearer , Season Six Finale:

Frodo: You can't stop this.

Sam: Yeah, I get that. It's just - where else am I going to go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end - where else would I want to be?

Frodo: Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me?

Sam: Well, I was going to walk you off the cliff into Mt. Doom and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kinda cartoony.

Frodo: Still making jokes.

Sam: I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid and hey, still want to hang. You're Frodo.

Frodo: Don't call me th-

Sam: First day of hobbit school you cried 'cause you broke the yellow carrot and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ruling the world, not a terrific notion but the thing is, yeah. I love you. I loved carrot-breaky Frodo and I love scary wraithy Frodo. So if I'm going out, it's here. You wanna rule the world you start with me. I've earned that.

Frodo: You think I won't?

Sam: It doesn't matter. I'll still love you.

I think I broke something

DX, this still makes me cry. I know it's funny, but it breaks my heart.