And if they do, I fervently hope I never hear them communicate their wishes.

Really, oscilating bollocks would be off-putting enough; chatty oscilating bollocks would have me dashing for the Tabloids. And of all the conversational gambits they could come up with - one's meat and two veg craving a pastry-based snackfood...it's just not right. No.

Pasties in US usage are sticky (usually round) pieces of fabric that are stuck over the nipples. (See (pretty-much work friendly) picture here.) (That was the first work-friendlyish picture I could think of, and I wasn't sure I was describing them well at all.)

"Meat and two veg"? Now *there's* a euphemism I'd never heard before. Goodness.

Hey, why don't they make pasties for testacles?

Because men are too intelligent so put adhesive on the oh so fragile skin covering erectile tissue?

Most of the strippers I know (or knew) are going for the liquid latex nowadays (or the low-rent version, that brown masking tape stuff).

Can you make a living just stripping nowadays, or do you have to lap-dance?

It depends on where you are. Some cities don't allow lap-dances, so yeah. Some do shows and they don't do lap dances at all.

And weaning is like sprinkling Instant Mummy on them.

This made me laugh so hard in COMM I had to come to UnAm to pay tribute. Hee!

Downside to weaning: lost two cup sizes (one from pregnancy and one that I had started with), no more instant cure-all for baby ills.

Upside: all new bras bought from the "pretty bras" rack, instead of ones from the "made by a thwarted and bitter structural engineer" section of the lingerie department, no more long surreal conversations with toddlers about the subtle taste differences between "mama milk" and "refrigerator milk."

Pasties -- pastry folded over and cooked with meat or fruit inside. Er...

You have fruit pasties? Yummy. Though we call those tarts in J'ca.