SPAM CHALLENGE (x-posted from lj)

You know the names. The ones that almost look like real human names, until you realize that you have never and probably will never actually know anyone named "Lola Esposito". They're soap opera names. Mary Sue names. Most of all, they're spam names.

I'm not talking about the mail you get from "SuperP0rn" or "Microsoft Network Security Update". I'm talking about the ones that offer a seemingly inexhaustible source of names for fictional characters. Because, after all, in this brave new world, there's no need to flip through the baby naming books ever again.

In the last 48 hours, I have received unsolicited commercial email from these people:

• Sebastian Wiley
• Ebony Jeffers
• Arturo Valdes
• Courtney Dougherty
• Erma Rubio
• Derrik L. Esry
• Darla Cotton
• Antonio L. Potts
• Xenia Blann
• Billy Grayson
• Juanita Davison
• Vicki Park
• Hayden Ross
• Silvia McMahon
• Billie Lynch
• Mariana Carson
• Ost West
• R. Garcia Suarez
• Lola Esposito
• Edyth Blackshire
• Stevie Patel
• Rory McGraw
• Zachariah Corona
• Carlene Gardner
• Darla Mata
• Della Snow
• Avva Lon
• Herschel J. Joyce
• Gord Peters
• Cammie Duit
• Avery Lehman
• Tracy Cordova
• Loretta Lozano
• Jami Foote
• Agnes Quinn
• Felix Huddleston
• Dominique Thacker
• Ida Rogers
• Cheryl Enriquez
• Wilburn Tucker
• Wilhelmine Beckett
• Cary Greenwood
• David Dick
• Lyle Boyce
• Sergey Vlasov
• Cecelia Kendall
• Angelina Burton
• Doris Quinones
• Alleviation T. Monarchists (Okay, so this one is maybe not so much a plausible name. But I couldn't bear to leave it off the list.)
• Gonzalo Albert
• Alonzo Butler
• Salvador Clement
• Terry Castro

So, a challenge: Take an actual spam name from your spam filter or inbox. Write a story, any fandom, any pairing, any rating, using that name for a significant original character -- not just someone lurking in the background. If you don't get spam, feel free to grab one from my list (and also? I want to know your secret).

Make it badfic. Make it outrageously over-the-top Mary Sue. Make it anything from drabble length on up. And then tell me where to find it. Because I'm so very bored.

I'll do that...god knows I get enough names. Part one of B. org's least favorite pundette showing her true colors is here: [link]

Oh. My. Stars.

erika, posted in your lj. Guys, you have to go read this. Anne Coulter gets it!

"There were no openings at the post office and I wanted to work with firearms."

If I used emoticons, I'd be bemoaning the lack of one for "swallowing half my tongue howling because my husband is still asleep and I don't want wake him."

That line about white, white, and taupe for variety....

erika rocks.

And the line about Princess Leia wanting her wardrobe back...

Thanks! And I was this close to saying "I can't say that!" and cutting the post office thing. Then, I remembered "Munch said it. I didn't. And he would, so I won't cut it."

More, Kay's POV , at [link]

That's a great idea, amy.

My favorite spam name remains Althea Eggbert.

Althea Eggbert

Oh, that is a good one.

I got one from somebody named Profirio today.

Crap, and I just deleted all my spam and dumped hte trash and unsubscribed from all of them. Oh, well, I'm sure there will be another load of them tomorrow.

In case you needed further proof that a. I'm on a writing high. b. dateless and have no life whatsoever off of Buffista Island, here it is: [link]