I think the other characters sound pretty strong - especially since I didn't give Anya much to say. It must just be a thing with Exceptionally Old and Been on the Earth Longer Than Anyone I've Ever Met characters.

Uh huh...that is a problem. My Spike voice is only good for a sentence and a half at a time. Very sad.

My Spike voice is only good for a sentence and a half at a time

Then you make him do something else with his mouth.

Yeah, there is that...

But...but...

I can't do that with Angel because he only has Cordelia in that scene with him and Cordy+Angel=Ewwwww! for me.

Hmmm, plagiarizing isn't the end of the world...

Now where is my 'Angel, The Casefiles' book.....

Dammit, why does the Chinese railroad system have to be so damned advanced?

The above rant brought to you by Internet research in the service of plot devices for Ethan and Giles on the road to the Chinese potential. Life was so much simpler when you could toss out exotic settings and details without the possibility of other people going, "You know, it's nothing like that, and I found two dozen websites that contradict every word."

Feh. Need more diet Coke.

that's possible?

Oh yes. I start to break out when it's all talk and nothing else. Not that I don't love dialogue, because I do, but after a while, I want to be shown stuff. Even little things, such as Buffy hopping around on one high heel while screaming at her ghost roomie to give her back her Prada, damnit! is a visual. Paint me the picture, pretty or otherwise.

Nicole, I do have some comments on it; I wasn't sugarcoating when I said I loved the Wes and Cordy voices, and I like where the story seems to be heading (I'm all about the underbelly of dreamland). But there are a few things I think a lot of writers do when they're newish at it (I sure as hell did), whether fiction, fic or journalism.

Have a look for unneeded words - the characters rock, the story is sound, so why would it need padding? Small things, but they can overwhelm if not careful: why has Buffy had a lifespan (it's one word, BTW) and not a life? Since this is fic, dealing with an established character, does the reader really need to be told the colour of her ponytail?

BTW, I do this myself, which is one reason I will hand a WIP to anyone with a brain, and beg for the truth. Betsy kicked my ass for it at writers group last night, in fact. She told me there were a few places I was undercutting the power of a passage by overwhelming it with just the one word too many here and there. And she was dead right.

A personal credo, mine, belonging to me and only referring to me. Keep it simple.

Deb is wise.

Nicole, I read it, but I'm refraining from comment at the moment because I'm in a weird headspace. I'll come back to it later. I'm not dismissing you.

Affect. "A" for the action, "E" for the result.

Deb, I am bookmarking this, because I always get the two confused.

I thought my love for buffistas was huge...yet it grows!

I think I fixed the Angel lines. Short sentences. To the point. Not 'splainy.

Have a look for unneeded words - the characters rock, the story is sound, so why would it need padding?

Ple tried to get this point across in the first beta she did for me and it didn't stick. Which is goofy since it makes so much sense and I can point it out when I read a book but not when I write the words myself. Thanks, Deborah.

Oh, fixed Prada passage also. That was something I never would have known. The Prada, she's expensive. The Nicole, she is cheap and owns one pair of heels.

I'm refraining from comment at the moment because I'm in a weird headspace.