Act II
Interior: grocery store. Camera swoops down the aisles and comes to a door marked "Employees Only". Inside, it's very dark. A clerk sits on the floor in a circle of candles . There is a zucchini in front of him.

Clerk: Goddess Anhedonia! Grant me the power to screw with people's heads with the Zucchini of Despair!

There is a blue flash.

Clerk: I feel powerful... Yet... What's the fucking point, really
(Bursts into tears).

He picks up the zucchini and exits, sobbing the entire time.

Cut to:
Buffy, pushing a cart in the produce aisle.

Buffy: Vegetables. Dawn needs to eat vegetables. And I must supply them...

Buffy passes a pile of zucchinis and stops, as if mesmerized.

Buffy: Vegetables...

She picks up a zucchini.

CU: Her eyes widen. Camera pans down the aisles. They are empty, or so it appears to Buffy.
Interior: Summers' kitchen.
Buffy is slumped in the chair, rocking back and forth. Buffy's face is covered in tears and large glassy eyes.

Buffy: I couldn't do it. There was nothing.

Spike and Willow exchange a look.

Cut to Spike and Willow in the living room.

Spike: We have to.
Willow: It seems wrong...
Spike: You saw her. You saw what it did to her.
Willow: It was partly your fault.
Spike: And partly yours.
Willow: You're right. We have to fix it. We have to save Buffy's breakfast. Whatever it takes!

Cut to:
Exterior: Casa Summers. Pan to the neighbours' house.
Interior: Neighbours' house.
3 people, students by the look of it, are puttering around the kitchen. One of then wanders into the living room. It's a peaceful domestic scene until:

Neighbour #1: Dude! Thers is a naked guy on our lawn!

Cut to:
Exterior: Neighbour's lawn. 3 astonished people are looking at a naked Spike on their lawn. (Spike is not on fire because he is in the shadow of the lawn tree. Let's make that really clear. Overexpose, underexpose, dye the film with Manic Panic--I don't care, just make sure it's a really dark shadow).

Spike grins and emits a whistle.

Cut to:
Willow, lurking at the back if the neighbours' house. She hears Spike's whistle and opens the door. The door is unlocked in accordance with Sunnydale tradition. Willow scurries around the neighbours' kitchen, stealing food. There are excited voices on the lawn but we don't hear what they are saying.

Cut to:
Interior: Summers' kitchen.
A pile of food before Buffy. She continues to cry. Camera pans down her face, to her hands and we can see that she's still clutching the zuccchini.

Act III
Willow: Buffy...That zucchini you're holding...I can sense something's wrong with it.

Buffy looks up, and at that moment the neighbours burst in.

Neighbours: You stole our breakfast!
Willow: (edges in front of the food-laden counter) I don't know what...
Buffy: You stole their breakfast?!!
Neighbours: (lunge at Willow)
Buffy: (lunges at Willow)
Spike: No! It was me!
Buffy: You stole their breakfast? (lunges at Spike)
Neighbours: No, he didn't ! Lay off the naked guy! (lunge at Buffy)

Melee ensues, with humourous destruction of the premises.

Buffy, looking for a handy weapon, grabs the zucchini and smashes Spike on the head with it. The zucchini explodes.

Blue flash.

Eveyone is knocked on his or her ass.

Beat.

Beat.

CU on Buffy. A look of realization on her face.

Buffy: I see it. I was so wrong. I didn't understand. But I see it now.
Willow: (crawling out of a corner) What, Buffy?
Buffy: (slowly stands up) It's OK to lose sometimes. It's OK if breakfast doesn't pan out. There are other meals during the day!
Willow: (slowly stands up) It's true! There's lunch!
Spike: (slowly stands up) And there is dinner!

Beat. We notice that Spike is still naked.

Beat. The silence is deafening.

Beat.

Neighbour: Hey, naked guy? Would you like to be my dinner?

Cut to: Summers' lawn.
Buffy and Spike, in profile.
The walkway an unbridgeable abyss between them.
Buffy: So this is it? This is your solution? You are moving in with THEM?
Spike: Yes. They are nice to me. They don't beat me and they *like* it when I'm naked.
Buffy: I...I'm sorry. I guess I took the nudity for granted.

CU on Spike. He tries to hide his ambivalence, but it's kind of big.

Spike: Good-bye, Buffy.

He leaves.

CU on Buffy. She stares after Spike or possibly at the lighting crew.
Her face reflects the turmoil of someone with a medium intensity intestinal cramp.

FIN
Note: The neighbours are such rich material! They could work so well in the season arc. They could be evil Goths who plan to turn the entire world into a tube of black lipstick! Joss, what are your thoughts?

Heh, heh, heh.

He tries to hide his ambivalence, but it's kind of big.

Heh.

t giggle

Clerk: Goddess Anhedonia! Grant me the power to screw with people's heads with the Zucchini of Despair!

Clerk: I feel powerful... Yet... What's the fucking point, really

BWAH!!!!

Hey, PMM, does your freaky knowledge of the Angelverse extend to the layout of Angel's room at the Hyperion?

Hey, PMM, does your freaky knowledge of the Angelverse extend to the layout of Angel's room at the Hyperion?

Pre-Connor quake? The one we saw in Loyalty?

Yes. Around the time of Epiphany.

Let me check the files. I know what the one in Loyalty looks like pretty well, but I can't remember if he switched rooms after Connor was born.