I'm really, really appreciative that you followed up on this tommyrot. You seem to understand what is going on in a way that is bringing tears to my eyes.

Glad I could help. I'd been meaning to drop you an email or something, and then I saw you in Natter today....

There are a couple of online Aspie discussion groups - I don't remember the URLs and I can't find bookmarks at the moment.

I'll do the research. I'm just grateful for the courage this interchange is giving me.

Fela may not be an Aspie...but the similarities are too close to ignore and the worst that will happen is that he will reject the idea and me. Given the way things have gone, that won't be so bad for either one of us.

At the moment, he's pursuing some medical stuff (very bad digestion) that may help with a lot of his physical discomfort. Once that is in hand, I'll figure out a way to gently bring up this other. No idea how at the mo, but it really seems worth a try.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You're welcome. And good luck.

Yknow, while I really appreciate countries that base their cuisine on seasonal vegetables and dont just import or freeze stuff, I have to say that I was overjoyed when my dinner tonight included not just one but two green vegetables. Italy in the winter seems to be rather lacking in vegetables that arent tomatoes. Which I can see as good in many ways, but even I was getting a tiny bit tired of pasta, bread, and cheese.

Oooh. But today, we went on a wine-tasting tour of Tuscany. SO good. And now I know all about wine.

(Um. Sorry. I skipped seven zillion posts and have no idea whats going on with anyone else. -ma to everyone that needs it.)

Hil! You're nearby! Relatively speaking. Sounds like a great trip.

Italy in the winter seems to be rather lacking in vegetables that arent tomatoes.

Heh. We started to suspect this might be causing some, um, dietary issues in Mexico, given that fiber supplements were everywhere and in fact, All-Bran seems to be the leading brand of damn near everything, from cereal to yogurt drinks.

Once that is in hand, I'll figure out a way to gently bring up this other. No idea how at the mo, but it really seems worth a try.

Beej, there's lots of crossover with Asperger's, ADD, and OCD (because The Boy has ADD, I've read a lot about it). One of the really common traits between all of them is the inability to pick up on nonverbal social cues. The Boy is really good at it, but he said he has to work hard at it.

And -- this is what made me think of you and Fela -- The Boy said that a lot of times, the person with ADD (or Asperger's) will arrange signals with his/her SO for social situations, so that if the ADD/Asperger's person is missing a lot of nonverbal social cues, the SO can gently point it out, without making it a Big Deal That's All About His "Problem."

Maybe that's something that the two of you could do. (In the future, of course, once the physical Ick is dealt with.)

Pirate pacifier: [link]

One of the really common traits between all of them is the inability to pick up on nonverbal social cues.

Oh, so very this.

I'm really glad tommyrot brought up the subject again, because it reminded me that I'd meant to respond to it last week and then had an ADD moment. Beej, you mentioned in your original post that your friend had advised you not to bring it up to Fela because it would "give him an out" -- and this week I'm once again sputtering about the incredible wrongness (and, frankly, cruelty) of that.

If he does have Aspie's, then he's got a lifelong issue that makes it really hard for him to do things that other people find not just easy but very valuable; I'm sure he's very aware that there's an issue there, even if he's not yet aware that there are resources that can help. And even if he only has some Aspie-like symptoms, or a borderline case, approaches based on building workarounds for the behavior - ranging from a partner giving cues to CBT - can really make a big difference. To suggest that he should be denied the information because he'll use it as an excuse for being an asshole... Oy.

ranging from a partner giving cues to CBT

And in the department of there-are-no-coincidences, I've been reading about CBT on and off all day. Not for ADD, but still.