Y'know the first few Firefly posts did look a little TMI-ish. I just got free wheelchair porn. Which I will get paid for reviewing. Sometimes, I wouldn't trade with anybody.

Paid to watch porn, I need to investigate this.

My fireplace is discretely belching funky smells. All of the vents, flues and whathaveyous are open, I am certain. Grrrr. Just opened up a window to get some oxygen in me before I troubleshoot any further.

Best surprise? Finding half of a Deena bath bomb that you didn't know you'd squirreled away... I am soft, smooth, smell pretty and am faintly glittered. Also had beer. Kittens on how soon I will crawl into bed? Because I am thinking eight might be a perfectly reasonable adult nighty time right about now.

I have towers of laundry to fold and hang and put away but, frankly, I could just ignore it...

Quick, someone remind me why I agree to host a Thanksgiving party every year?

Because it makes you dust once a year?

Mind, that's more often than I dust.

So EM had her day in court. She did NOT get a permanent restraining order. The judge ruled that there was not enough evidence.

However, the Judge did hear the whole story and when EM's ex (hereinafter, "EMEX") said he had no idea how the tires were slashed and the window was broken, the judge called bullshit.

In judgese, "I call bullshit" sounds like this: "That seems like an extremely unlikely coincidence considering the pattern of harassing calls and emails."

This being a judge who sees crazy stalker exes every day.

The other factor in the decision to not grant a permanent restraining order was the Judge's concern over Aidan's welfare and his relationship with EM. He spoke at length about how a permanent restraining order would preclude any further contact with Aidan and didn't want the child to suffer for it.

EM made a compelling witness in the sense that she cried and shook non-stop while reading from her prepared statement. She was not entirely well-prepared. She had not printed out EMEX's emails and did not take a picture of the broken window or offer any proof at all that it was actually broken.

Which annoyed the Judge.

I tried to interject from the peanut gallery that I had witnessed the broken window, which got a big fat "Uh uh" from the judge. However, he saw how badly she was rattled and said, "If you have anybody here to offer you support they could come up here and sit with you."

So I went and sat with her. And whispered to her, "I can testify I saw the broken window."

Which prompted the Judge to say, "You're not up here to give her advice!"

Which is true, but she did need to be prompted to that point because she was a total fucking wreck.

So she answered questions and EMEX's attorney tried to make a case that she had maintained contact with EMEX after they had broken the relationship. To which EM basically replied, "Look I said that. I tried to maintain a relationship with his son because I helped raise Aidan after his mother - one of my closest friends - died."

I testified that (a) I saw the broken window and it was clear that it had been punched in; (b) I had called EMEX to warn him (back in August) not to go to EM's place unannounced. That I had a long conversation with him. That I was concerned that he was "spiraling out of control" and that EMEX said "I don't want to spiral out of control." EMEX did not dispute this call or my point, which seemed to factor into the Judge's decision.

The Judge made a point of giving everybody the number for a family mediation service which could be used to arrange a mediated visitation (EMEX did not seem averse to this).

Then he gave a stern warning from the bench to EMEX basically saying, "You have no reason to contact her. If you want to seek redress for the outstanding loan she owes, use your lawyer. IF you contact her in any way I will consider that stalking, which is a very serious offense, and I will issue a permanent restraining order."

So EM was thoroughly shaken and rattled and upset afterwards because...It's Not Over. But in reality, I think it is not a bad judgement at all. The Judge clearly did not buy EMEX's bullshit about the car tires or windows, and made it clear that he was disinclined to close a relationship between EM and Aidan forever. (And by extension between Emmett and Aidan forever.)

In short: Maybe a little wisdom from the bench. With the caveat, IF the judge is right in his sense that EM is not in immediate physical danger.

EM plans to get an alarm system at her apartment. I recommended a self-defense class so she won't feel so passive and victimized by the experience, and will feel a little more control over her life.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with EM while she made a pie for Thanksgiving, then walked her over to new BF's place.

Pfffoof. Long. (continued...)

( continues...) Day. O' Stress.

And, poor EM. She's got surgery scheduled on Friday for hemrrhoids.

I told her, "Best. Week. Ever. Court dates, ass surgery and pie."

But still has a restraining order in effect now? I hope...

Glad you were there with her, David. Really. Stalking and verging on psychotic exes are really frightening.

I feel so horrible for Aidan. I really feel terribly for EM and Emmett as well, but I feel like Aidan is just so stuck with such a messed up situation right now...

Again, glad that you were a good enough person to be there for EM, and Emmett by extension, today... It says a lot about a person to care about people where the original relationship has ended and changed.

Again, glad that you were a good enough person to be there for EM, and Emmett by extension, today... It says a lot about a person to care about people where the original relationship has ended and changed.

Word.

Ditto. Poor, poor EM. I'm so glad you were there for her, Hec.

But still has a restraining order in effect now? I hope...

No. There is no restraining order now. It has been vacated. EMEX has been warned from the bench to make no contact, but he is not obliged to stay 100 yards away etc.

If he does contact her, she would have to file for another restraining order - which the Judge would grant upon seeing evidence of the contact.

I am HOPING his attorney pulls him aside and says, "You dodged a huge fucking bullet, but if you fuck-up you will not only have a restraining order, but the judge will cite you with Stalking which is a criminal offense. Don't. Fuck. Up."

Crap! I was hoping that you meant there was a restraining order but it was only temporary.

I hope that his attorney does exactly that. And that EMEX pays heed and learns to accept the rejection and move the fuck on.

I had an ex go into Stalker Lite mode and it scared the hell out of me. Thinking about what she is going through is just so frightening. It's horrible enough knowing someone wishes you terror and ill, but from someone that you were once intimate (not necessarily sexual, just the closeness of actual intimacy) it is an even bigger betrayal.

She knows to document every single thing, yes?

Damn I just wish there were some way for her to have peace now...

It's horrible enough knowing someone wishes you terror and ill, but from someone that you were once intimate (not necessarily sexual, just the closeness of actual intimacy) it is an even bigger betrayal.

You know, at lunch she said, "I just don't even know what's going through his head."

And I referred to my Jossverse wisdom. "Well, Joss Whedon - who created Buffy - said one of the biggest influences on his writing was seeing an interview with Willem Dafoe. The interviewer asked, "Is it more fun to play a villain or a hero?" and Dafoe answered, "It doesn't matter. Everybody is justified. Everybody is a hero in the movie in their own head. That's how I play every character."

I also acquainted her with the notion of Negative Intimacy, which is a big part of the classic divorce guidebook Mom's House, Dad's House. In essence, after a breakup all the intimacy you had with somebody passes through the mirror and instead of being a positive source of emotional sharing and strength, is exploited as a weakness.