Spike's Bitches 33: Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
But still has a restraining order in effect now? I hope...
No. There is no restraining order now. It has been vacated. EMEX has been warned from the bench to make no contact, but he is not obliged to stay 100 yards away etc.
If he does contact her, she would have to file for another restraining order - which the Judge would grant upon seeing evidence of the contact.
I am HOPING his attorney pulls him aside and says, "You dodged a huge fucking bullet, but if you fuck-up you will not only have a restraining order, but the judge will cite you with Stalking which is a criminal offense. Don't. Fuck. Up."
Crap! I was hoping that you meant there was a restraining order but it was only temporary.
I hope that his attorney does exactly that. And that EMEX pays heed and learns to accept the rejection and move the fuck on.
I had an ex go into Stalker Lite mode and it scared the hell out of me. Thinking about what she is going through is just so frightening. It's horrible enough knowing someone wishes you terror and ill, but from someone that you were once intimate (not necessarily sexual, just the closeness of actual intimacy) it is an even bigger betrayal.
She knows to document every single thing, yes?
Damn I just wish there were some way for her to have peace now...
It's horrible enough knowing someone wishes you terror and ill, but from someone that you were once intimate (not necessarily sexual, just the closeness of actual intimacy) it is an even bigger betrayal.
You know, at lunch she said, "I just don't even know what's going through his head."
And I referred to my Jossverse wisdom. "Well, Joss Whedon - who created Buffy - said one of the biggest influences on his writing was seeing an interview with Willem Dafoe. The interviewer asked, "Is it more fun to play a villain or a hero?" and Dafoe answered, "It doesn't matter. Everybody is justified. Everybody is a hero in the movie in their own head. That's how I play every character."
I also acquainted her with the notion of Negative Intimacy, which is a big part of the classic divorce guidebook
Mom's House, Dad's House.
In essence, after a breakup all the intimacy you had with somebody passes through the mirror and instead of being a positive source of emotional sharing and strength, is exploited as a weakness.
I admire the judge for taking consideration for EM's relationship with Aidan. Sounds like he told EMEX to fucking grow up and be an adult with regards to EM for the sake of his child.
That said, I'm glad EM's considering a security system and self-defense. It sucks to be victimized (and to top it off with ass surgery).
I'm completely fucking whipped. DH felt worse instead of better today with his sinus infection (or it could have been the medication knocking him out). But he crawled back into bed this afternoon and pretty much stayed there most of the night. He was awake when I put the kids down for their nap and trekked to the grocery store but ducked back in bed while I fed the kids and got them ready for bed.
I've just been juggling the kids all day and night AND trying to clean for houseguests and shop and plan for the meal on Friday.
And my back's flared up again.
"It doesn't matter. Everybody is justified. Everybody is a hero in the movie in their own head. That's how I play every character."
Which explains part of why he is scary as fuck. And why people we used to love and trust can be scary as well.
I also acquainted her with the notion of Negative Intimacy, which is a big part of the classic divorce guidebook Mom's House, Dad's House. In essence, after a breakup all the intimacy you had with somebody passes through the mirror and instead of being a positive source of emotional sharing and strength, is exploited as a weakness.
I hadn't heard of this. [Insert gratitude that I am a child of a truly amicable divorce and send flowers to all my parents while I am at it.] It makes a lot of sense though. In that I understand, not that it makes a damn bit of actual sense.
I wish her all of the strength and support in the world. And I hope that EMex comes to his senses and just fades away.
Oh, god. I'm so sorry, David, and to EM too. The alarm system is a wonderful idea. Much peace and strength and wisdom~ma to you all.
In essence, after a breakup all the intimacy you had with somebody passes through the mirror and instead of being a positive source of emotional sharing and strength, is exploited as a weakness.
Whoo, I can testify to that. Gods, David, I'm so sorry that it's not over for EM, but I hope the judge's instincts were correct.
I admire the judge for taking consideration for EM's relationship with Aidan.
Me too. She has no legal right to a relationship with Aidan, but she's actually been in his life much longer than his own mother.
I advised her to just wait until she felt safer before she tried to initiate some kind of visitation with Aidan. At least three or four months.
David, to try to cheer you, I got my hair cut tonight. I'll make sure we get a picture tomorrow.
After our wedding, EM took a bunch of the snapshots and put magnetic tape on the back of them. And the ones of my friends are on my fridge and the ones of her friends are still on her fridge. When I was at her house today, I was looking at pictures of Aidan's Mom - one of her bridesmaids. Alive and healthy and strong and cool and the absolute center of her family. And I just kept talking to the picture of Aidan's Mom: "Be there for Aidan. Talk to EMEX. Hit him upside the head. Intervene. Please."
