VW, I think you woud see some signs now, butit sounds like he was never a threat to your brother. The reason I am positive you would see them is that the signs are there. And you now have trained yourself to pay attention to your instincts. But if a person is not a threat- there would be no signs ot see. That's why a number of people in our local Catholic Church are angry with a family. the Family suffered when one of the boys was abused by a much loved priest, but some people still don't believe it. He was not a threat to all the boys, or even all the alter boys, just some.

one of my friends escaped from an abusive marriage after the birth of a third child. Years passed, and she was living in a safe sane evironment. Started dateing a guy. very charming. he liked her kids, her kids liked him. But he got extreamely possesive. made her very uncomforable. She broke it off with him. 3 months later he killed his ex girlfriend. My friend felt bad that she had ever dated him. Her instincts saved her, so she did learn. So I think she did good.

Abusers are often very charming - it might take more than one meeting, but you'll know.

What made you think you had that psychic power in the first place?

you don't think that's provocative?

Not to be persnickety

Right. If you hadn't meant to be persnickety, you could have just said, "I'm so sorry that something like that has happened to someone in your family. That must really suck a lot." instead of poking at her. I mean seriously, are you so bored on a Saturday night that you can't even dig up some semblance of empathy for a suck-ass situation that someone is in?

It came off as pretty mean and intentionally provoking to me.

Hec, sorry to add to the dog pile, but I have to agree with Aimee and beth. Whether or not you were out of line in your first post, you definitely were in your second.

"I'm so sorry that something like that has happened to someone in your family. That must really suck a lot."

eta: Yeah, a little pile-y but I still think it should be mentioned, so I am not inclined to just delete.

What made you think you had that psychic power in the first place?

I took it as retorical, so not necessarily meant to be provocative, but definitely glib and a tad condescending.

I'm sorry, but this...

It's not all your fault, but a lot of it is.

...is bullshit. I didn't attack vw. I said she didn't know what evil lurks in the hearts of men. That's it. I'm not responsible for her hysterics. I'm responsible for my behavior (including what I post) - not her reaction to it.

Whether or not you were out of line in your first post, you definitely were in your second.

I don't think so. I wasn't purposefully trying to make her upset, and when she said she was upset I apologized.

but definitely glib and a tad condescending.

Perhaps. Is that out of line?

I apologized.

You said you were sorry she was upset. You did not say, "I am sorry that what I said upset you." Vast difference. And you know it.

Perhaps. Is that out of line?

Not always. But it is out of line to not directly apologize when something you say visibly upsets someone.